Cracked Up

Cherry

By Bee

Sat, 30 Nov 2013
  • 5016 reads
23 comments
 

 

Within the broken mirror

I glimpsed a shattered face, fragmented

in confusion - mosaic madness in the remnants

of a crooked smile.

 

I handed you the mirror - you looked

and laughed that it was not my face

you saw refracted in it,

but little selves of you - cracked up!

 

You dropped the glass - we watched

the scattered fragments shiver in the sun

in puggled paranoia;

the flippant transient pleasure of it

soon forgotten -

how quickly we move on.

 

Now, when I study mirrors

I see shadows of fatigue.

The polished glass is ruthless, illuminating 

blemishes, and in the eyes belated wisdom

that the only one reflected back is me.

 

 

 

 

 

Certificate PG
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Wow.I loved that. I liked the pace of the poem and the passing of time within it. Just tell me - is puggled a word, a made up by you word or a spelling mistake?! Whichever - it's great. yes

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Catherine. 

Glad you liked it. It is a word - sort of meaning drunken and confused. I'm pleased you thought it fit. 

Don't really understand how the feedback thingy works and I'm a bit nervous about pressing the wrong buttons. Plus, so far I've noticed that 'great feedback' has never applied to me, but your comments were definitely great feedback for me. Thank you so much.

Bee

Submitted by catherine poarch on

I'm nervous of pressing the wrong button too! Next time I am feeling puggled I will have a word for it, thanks.

 

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Hi Bee,

Sad poem, but I have to say the final stanza is a killer. So cruelly true for so many.

definitely cherryable.

EdC

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi EdC.

I'm pleased the ending worked so well for you - that's important to any piece of writing. Thank you for your encouraging and positive comments. 

Very much appreciated,

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Sounds like the hall of mirrors. Maybe when even more time passes, for some of us at such an age, the mirror becomes just used to check tidiness of hair, no toothpaste on the cheek, hemline straight?! Rhiannon
 

 

Submitted by Bee on

In the literal sense, I believe you are right, Rhiannon. Well said, and thanks for reading, too.

Much appreciated,

Bee

Submitted by Kizzy on

I really loved this. It had a strong emotional pull. Have you tried putting 'relecting back' on the end of the previous line so 'is me' stands alone?

Kizzy

Submitted by Kizzy on

Apologies - refelcted back!

Kizzy

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Kizzy.

You know what? I have tried that, and I see your point. It would add just that little bit of anticipation leading into the answer which - is only me. But then I decided I didn't want to make it too gimmicky, or to end up with a too short line. You have made me start to think a out it again now, so I might change it as you suggest. 

Thank you so much for thinking about it, and I'm really pleased you liked it.

Bee

Submitted by Kizzy on

I like gimmicky. I wrote a poem once about leaving my husband and how I saw his eyes like a splintered stained glass window. Your poem had a resonance for me and I guess I was thinking 'Is me' was actually okay in the end.

Kizzy

Submitted by Bee on

Sure, there's nothing wrong with 'gimmicky' - just wasn't sure if that was what I wanted here. But since you've mentioned it, I'll definitely have another think, that's helpful, Kizzy - thank you. 

Have you posted your poem here? I don't think I've seen it.

Bee

Submitted by celticman on

little pieces of me in the mirror, in the poetry.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks celticman.

Bee

Submitted by Bee on

Oh wow! Just noticed - cherries...

Thank you!

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

This one really got to me, Bee.  Well done on the cherries. More than deserved.

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you, Tina. That's really nice.

Bee

Submitted by torscot on

Bee.   Great little read  "...The polished glass is ruthless..." how true indeed!

torscot

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks torscot.

Glad you liked that bit.

Bee

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Bee.  I love the use of the mirror as a device for reflection (seriously!).  It lends itself really well to that whole fragmentation of our lives and I like the cruel objectivity of that last stanza.  Great poem.  Kev.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Kev.

pleased you understood and took so much from it.

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee,

 

I too loved this poem and especially puggled. It's hard to think of anything original to add after reading all that good feedback. (Glad to know you didn't know what to do about that red line either. Did you ever find out?)

I think mirrors are scary things. Quite often, with just a quick glance into it, I can see my mother clearly reflected. I never knew I looked so much like her. And bits of me look like my sister and my father, and I suppose my kids find bits of me in their reflections. I did write a poem about it once. I'll see if I can find it. I write so few poems, so it was kind of a big deal for me.

 

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Jean.

I sometimes at a glance see my mum in the mirror, too. Thank you for your comments. I hope you manage to find your poem - I'd love to read it.

Bee