the morning after

 

I wasn’t accustom to their games

The hurt caused, the misery the pain.

No one wins the notch on the bed post

The thrill, the score…

 

The candle on the green bed side table

Burned out long before the stars went in,

he used it to light his roll ups

and shamefully stubbed them out in the overflowing ashtray:

We couldn’t see them as a blanket of maroon clouds

Covered their splendor

 

Do you love me? Of course! well how tell me.

Better still show me, of course my love.

My love for you is like the covering of clouds you see

Soft and foreboding I could shower you this moment

With soft diamonds of rain making your body glisten

Mingle with the sweat of passion rising from your bosom.

 

What does that mean? Let me show you.

He took my hand and placed it close to his chest

I was nervous and reached the other hand for the wine glass

Besides the bed.

Do you feel that? What? That rapid pulsing beat…that intense desire

My body telling you I ache for you?

 

The clouds began to shift in the cool wind of the night

Revealing a single star…that’s what you are to me

A rare diamond on this sultry night…im hot for you

I burn with wanton desire…I

Gulped down the remains of the red wine

And before I had time to digest he was kissing me

As if he wanted to share the wine I had just consumed

his tongue licking me all over like a dog.

Passionately, ferociously like a devouring beast.

My head a spinning universe.

 

Look I can’t do this…it’s too soon. We’ve only had one date

And now you’re telling me I’m a jewel or something;

We're going too fast,

My feeling have'nt had time to catch their breath.

The night was crazy…

 

He drove into me as if he was behind the wheel of a

Low riding machine…then he burst in me and glory was born.

 

Next morning, I awoke to the sun bursting through my curtains

I noticed the empty bottle on the floor and my clothes strewn

Like confetti around the room.

I looked in the mirror and my lippy was all round my mouth and cheeks

My mascara was smudged and runny, my hair dishevelled…I felt like such a clown.

I knew I shouldn’t have drunk so much and let him in.

He was only after a shag and I wanted the moon and stars,

To wake up with my man who would last the distance

Be in his arms, be warming the bed by my side.

I dreamt it so.

 

Weeks later I saw him.

He had that smirk on his face

Saying, yeah I’ve had her.

His mates seeing me burst out in laughter.

I was wounded like a fox caught in a trap set by a trapper.

I ran out of there and got into my car….

Just sat there for hours it seemed

Tears rolling down my cheeks onto my best blouse;

An age went by, I stopped crying.

Turned the interior light on to check my make up

In the visor vanity mirror;

I was a mess…lippy smudged all around my mouth

Mascara running down my cheeks…I felt like such a clown.

 

I started the engine and revved the accelerator hard

I could feel my heart thumping

I was angry at myself for being such a fool.

i felt the adrenalin rush, the force the abuse of power

he must have felt.

 

On the way home I looked up at the night sky

The stars were covered by those same foreboding maroon clouds.

threatening to cover me with a downpour

adding insult to my tears..

Their colour dark and menacing, teased and tantalised 

Like red wine when it swirls in the glass.

 

I hadn’t had time to have a drink 

I would never go there again.

I got to the door of my house 

The night air swirled and ran

Soft currents of sultry air across my weathered face…

The clouds shifted, I saw that single star

Reminding me of how special he told me i was that night

When my honour left me; leaving me feeling used, discarded and all alone.