Consequences

CHAPTER 1 - Mary’s Journal

January 1, 1859

Charles bought me this Journal as my Christmas present (as well as my engagement ring.) He said that Queen Victoria uses a Journal and that we should all emulate her. He wrote in it, “You are the Queen of my heart, and in my inner depths, you reign.”

Charles, who writes in his diary every day, says it is just like writing to a trusted friend, and you can put in your innermost thoughts and desires. He says that to write in it is like having a confidante in matters of love, fear, pain and loss; in fact all your deepest feelings. I love the black leather cover which is elegantly embossed. The inside lining is a rich burgundy colour with an imprint of entwined leaves. Following this there is a coloured picture of a bouquet of sweet spring flowers in a loving cup. The gilt edged pages alternate in pastel colours of blue, green and yellow. I am starting on pale yellow.

January 2nd

Charles and I are going to the Theatre tonight, a special performance because of the New Year holiday. I will wear my new emerald green velvet dress which I recently made. It has a V necked bodice and attached cream coloured lace capelet with a matching green velvet collar. The capelet extends over the shoulders down to the forearms and wedges into the torso of the dress with three jewelled buttons; there are full length slim velvet sleeves, trimmed at the wrist with the same lace and a very full attached skirt. I will wear a matching bonnet of green velvet shirred and corded with silk lace, tying under the chin. I hope Charles will find me beautiful.

January 31

Dear God, what have I done? What have we done? I would give anything if only I could return to the first of January and start this New Year again. I never thought this would happen. Somehow I thought Charles would make it all right – and that when he said I need have no fear for the future, that I could believe him. How can we ever make this nightmare go away?

Charles bought me this journal but I have not written for most of this past month, as I have had neither time nor inclination. Now, however, I have need of a trusted friend and I have no one in whom I can confide. Neither Mother, nor my sister Elizabeth, not even Charles could share my secret. This journal must be my only friend. Perhaps if I write of my troubles they will retreat sufficiently to allow me to see a future course of action.

This is the year that I shall become Mrs. Charles Simpson Walker. I have longed for this event since I was a child. If Charles only knew how I wanted him to notice and fall in love with me when I was only eleven. When he was home from boarding school, he often accompanied his father who was a frequent visitor to our establishment here in York, the Leopard Inn. Mr. Walker owns one of the local hansom cab companies which call in at our inn. Before boarding school, Charles was at St. Peter’s School at the Minster with my brother Edward, although Charles was the elder by three years, and so we had another connection in that way. Charles is ten years my senior, and he has been hoping for a wife for these last eight years to my knowledge. Perhaps it was fate that the other girls turned him down, so he was available when I was old enough for him to notice me as a woman. Here is the letter he wrote me at that time. I keep it safely in my jewellery box but read it often to make sure that I am not dreaming it all.

Worcester

11 February 1857

My Dear Miss Eagle

I know that I do not have to introduce myself to you formally as we have known each other for many years. But I wish now to know you better, and feel it should be done in this way. I trust my importuning will not be displeasing to you. Will you kindly attribute it to the fervour of my affection? My love for you is unbounded. I am anxious not to ask anything which providence and propriety would forbid, but my love, and my intentions being honourable I hoped you would see no impropriety in allowing me an interview when I am next in York.

Even apart from the subject that now fills my heart, I should esteem to make your further acquaintance and should value your friendship most highly.

Anxiously awaiting your reply

I am sincerely affectionately yours,

Charles Walker  

I quickly replied to him that I would be honoured if he wished to make our friendship something more, and greatly looked forward to a visit from him on his next journey to York. He travelled up for Easter, and again in the summer, and our friendship blossomed. I was then only 17, but we knew that we belonged together. Thus we contemplated announcing our engagement in the following year. But then his mother suddenly became very ill with pneumonia, and died in December. We had to postpone all our plans for the period of mourning. Charles was much affected and took many months to get over his mother’s death. His father was unable to live on his own and asked Mary Elizabeth Wilson, Charles’ unmarried cousin from Worcester who is about 35 years old, to come and act as his housekeeper.

Now we are free to make our plans openly and after getting permission from Father, Charles presented me with his Grandmother Sarah’s diamond and ruby ring this Christmas and asked me to marry him. How it sparkles. I couldn’t contain my joy. “Oh, yes, I will, I most certainly will,” I said.

On Friday the twentieth of May this year, I will truly become his wife. Because of needing the weekend trade for the Inn, we decided to hold the wedding on a Friday, as it would be the best day to keep from losing custom. I know it is unconventional to marry on a Friday. In fact here is even a rhyme from my book The Ladies’ Half Penny Journal about it which isn’t very encouraging.

Marry on Monday for health,

Tuesday for wealth

Wednesday the best day of all,

Thursday for crosses

Friday for losses, and

Saturday for no luck at all.

We officially became engaged on Christmas Day. Mother and Father think Charles is wonderful – kind and considerate. Mother was best friends with Mrs. Walker. In fact Mother told Charles long ago that if she had anything to do with it, he should never be short of money. On the Sunday after Christmas, we arranged with the Rector for the use of the Church for our wedding, and we were able to tell our family and friends to keep that day free, so they will be able to come and celebrate with us.

On Monday night we had arranged to go to the Theatre Royal. I wore my new green velvet dress which enhances my auburn hair so well. I worried that it might be impractical when I made it, but I am sure with my new role as wife, I will have many occasions to dress up. It is quite a heavy fabric, so should be cosy and warm and I love the luxurious feel of the velvet collar next to my face. I have a cameo broach that Mother gave me for Christmas, which I pinned on the collar.

Oh dear God, what am I saying? It might be an age before I can wear that dress again.

We took a hansom cab to the theatre, as it was too far to walk. Charles particularly wanted to see the play, La Tour de Nesle, which is by his favourite author, Alexander Dumas. It was a wonderful play – is considered the greatest masterpiece of French melodrama - just as Charles had intimated it would be. I made notes about it. The play takes place in 1314 in Paris. Louis X's wife. Marguerite de Bourgogne  is queen. Her former lover comes back to blackmail her, and her two sons die deaths to satisfy the most bloodthirsty members of the audience. The play contains murder, depravity, and treachery. I found it difficult to sleep after watching that!

Mother and Father invited Charles back to the inn to spend the night, as we would be late returning from the theatre, and he needed to rise early for the train to Worcester the next day for work. They offered him one of the best rooms in the inn - showing their high regard for him. Will they ever have regard for him again?