My Thought Of The Moment.

By prettyrose

Tue, 18 Feb 2014
  • 2869 reads
10 comments
 

When the harmony of your heart

Gets tainted with hate or anger

It can be hard to enforce some

Forgiveness, this his true.

 

But, if there is a way too draw back

Some tranquility and exonerate

The indignation, Thats a start

For hope ahead:))))

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Comments

Submitted by Bee on

Another lovely thought. Sometimes hard to achieve but very good advice. 

Bee

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyHi Bee, I hope your well. I appreciate your comments, and yes I really do know how hard it can be to enforce. So maybe I will had another line, I have just thought of :))))

 

Thanks again

 

take care

 

Trish x

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyHi Bee, did some edit, let me know what you thinkyes take care

 

 

Trish x

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Trish.

Its so great you've used your 'Thought' and turned it into a poem. I love that you are so positive and always try to bring sunshine. I really like the idea of the first stanza, but I think the second still needs a little work as it doesn't quite make sense to me. But that's only my opinion and I could be wrong.

I don't mean in any way to re-write your work but I hope you won't mind if I write down what I think are the main points of your poem as I see it, in case you might find something useful if you decide you want to continue to work on the piece. So please take something if you like, but ignore if not helpful.

 

When the harmony of your heart
becomes tainted with anger
it can be hard to find forgiveness 

But if we can step back,
letting go of indignation
we may find tranquility and hope.

 

 

 

Bee

Submitted by prettyrose on

yesThanks Bee, not only for reading my work again, which I appreciate and your lovely comments, but also the added lines are great and yes it's hard sometime to really know what another writer is trying to say or do with their work, but I believe you understood!.

And If I am honest, When I say a positive thought or poem. story in my head it comes out almost good lol, but at least others can make sense of it ha. But when I rush, I make a mess of things and I knew it's one of those weeks, health etc we all have them lol, I just wanted to get it down on the site for others to gain something from it and encase I cannot get on for a while.smiley

 

But yes, now my little thought of the moment has turned in to a poem, I shall work more on it and add what you put more and shake it up, when I can.

 

Thanks again Bee for all your help and putting it so nicely, how feedback should always be, I feel,a nice fair constructive comment/s.Has we are all learning whether we are a published writer or an amateur like me lol.

 

Take care

 

Trish xx

 

 

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

A lovely poem, Prettyrose, obviously written from the heart.  Those, are always the best kind.

Tinasmiley

 

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyAww Thanks Tina, I hope your well.

 

I appreciate your taking the time to read and comment and as you can tell I am re-writing on and off, so I hope if  I change things around the sentiment his still clear, and you will like the changes Tina.

 

 

Thanks again

 

Take care

 

Trish xx

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by prettyrose on

smileyI meant to add Bee, I was trying to say release when using exonerate, because has I am sure most will know, if you say to some one, let go, find a way, or let it just go over your head. It's hard to hear those words, when you feel so hurt and betrayed and all the other emotions, so release/exonerate felt right, but again I really appreciate any feedback.

 

Thanks again

 

Take care

 

Trish xx

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx

Submitted by Bee on

Ah, Trish, thank you for explaining. I understand now. I think your poem is well worth working on because as Tina said, it's from the heart and those are the best. I always try to look out for your posts as I find them uplifting when there always seems to be so much doom and gloom around.

And yes - keep writing and smiling.

Bee xxx 

Bee

Submitted by prettyrose on

Hi Bee smileythank you for your lovely comments and yes there is so much doom and gloom and although its hard too stay positive, I like to try and help others too anyway I cansmiley.

 

Not had time to tweek yet but hopefully will in the coming days.

 

take care and glad your keep smiling and writing2yes

 

 

Trish xx
 

smiley Keep Smiling

Keep Writing xxx