The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Three
By Denzella
- 4603 reads
The Labour Planet - A Working Title - Part Three 939 words Re-posted
The guard whose belt Jamie had picked up could be seen on a screen high above where they stood. He was looking down at them but as Jamie watched he saw him approach a door and press his belt but the door did not open and he seemed to be waiting. Then he spoke in to some kind of receiver but Jamie could not hear what was said but he could see the guard pressing buttons on a keypad until the door hissed open and he disappeared into the room.
**************************************
“Well, is the cargo safely stowed?”
“Yes, Commander, they are in the holding pens.”
"This will be our last harvest as we don’t have enough fuel to power any more ships. Do they still think it is their own government that is taking them to a new planet?”
“Yes, Commander”
"So, why did you request an audience?
" To ask if we will be stopping at Gruse?
“No, those that are left on Gruse are of no use to us. Have you separated the young earthlings from the adults?”
"Yes, Commander"
"Good.”
“The Emperor will be pleased with all you have achieved, Commander..”
“Yes, I have been promised the reward of my choice and he knows what that will be.”
“The hand of Grand Princess Genalia?”
“It is no more than I deserve."
"It is less than you deserve, Commander, but what of the elders, I thought they had come up with a plan."
“They had but when they told me what it was I knew I had to take action. The plan they came up with went against all the teachings of our spiritual leader. We would have been defiled but although I am Commander of the Frontier Fleet I do not have the authority to override the elders.”
“So did you go directly to the Emperor to get permission?”
“Yes. Their plan could have blocked our path to spiritual glory and then we would be denied entry into Infinity. That is why this mission must be successful and I am closing this audience now so that you can get back to your duties.”
“Commander, one more thing, there is a young earth female in the adult pen who seems very different from the rest. She doesn’t seem frightened in any way,. She is very calm. She gives me cause for concern.
“She can do nothing. She is no threat to us.”
“Just the same, Commander, I think I would like to have her taken out and disposed of.”
“No, we cannot afford to lose anymore. You must see to it that from now on they must all survive. That is a Federation instruction that must be complied with. Do you understand, Guardsman Templar?”
“Yes, Commander, it will be done as you ask.”
“Now go and see that those needing medical attention receive it. Next see they are fed and then subdue them and keep them that way until we reach the landing strip on Red Star One.”
“Yes, Commander.”
Guardsman Templar made his way back down but couldn’t resist stopping to look for the woman in Pen Number Two. Her demeanour disturbed him. She should have been frightened, like the rest, but she was not. He dare not disobey his Commander but just the same his own curiosity would see to it that he kept his eye on her and he had seen her talking to the boy who had picked up his ammunition belt.
************************
“So, what did your work with the Government involve?”
“I was a Staff Officer with the Defence department.”
“Oh, really, so that’s why you don’t think this is the work of our Government?”
She nodded.
“My name is Jamie, by the way,”
“And I am Staff Officer Tate,”
“Is that what I am to call you?”
She smiled then “No, of course not…it’s just that it is a generally accepted protocol within the department but I suppose we are not in the department now so there’s no need. My name is Georgia,” she said, smiling again.
“Well, Georgia, what makes you think this is not the work of our government?”
“Because there was an error on the department’s computer network and I mistakenly gained access to a dossier I did not have security clearance to see but it explained things that I had never understood.”
“Such as?”
“The Ozone Layer! We never caused that. Scientists very quickly saw the effect of CFC’s so they were banned immediately. Yet a hole was still created.”
“That doesn’t seem to be much to base your argument on,” said Jamie.
“Not on its own, no, I agree, but taken with all the other things like the nuclear accidents, the seepage from the nuclear waste bunkers and the animals dying off, don’t you think there seems to be a pattern to all this?”
“Like what?”
“The destruction of our planet!”
“Seems a bit far fetched.”
“You think so then answer me this. How is it that no space probes could ever find another planet that could sustain human life until now when we need it most?”
“I’m beginning to see where you’re coming from.”
“Yes,” said Georgia, “It seems to me our planet has been systematically destroyed..”
Just then a well dressed man was about to walk past when Georgia suddenly stepped out in front of him.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
I'm still really enjoying
I'm still really enjoying this - and i see congratulations are in order for being pick of the day! I have one tiny suggestion for this part: the dialogue at the end, between the woman and the man is great - very authentic, but the conversation between the guardsman and the commander doesn't have the same ring to it. You have so much information to give the reader, I think it might be better if you perhaps didn't try to do it with speech - you could keep that more natural sounding (as natural as aliens are going to sound!) - and then impart the background information in between shorter peices of dialogue. I hope that makes sense? This is very good, and it's worth working on. I'm looking forward to the next part!
- Log in to post comments
I saw it on facebook!
I saw it on facebook!
- Log in to post comments
Like a lot of people, I
Like a lot of people, I suffer from claustrophobia - (that's why I won't fly) and this is a situation I would find unbearable. You are making it seem believable - keep it coming.
- Log in to post comments
The first part was a little
The first part was a little confusing because we started with Jamie watching the guards then jumped to a chat between the two aliens. I think the dialogue here needs to be a little more subtle - the baddies discussing their evil plans is very Bond.
I also think the title gives the plot away too much - though I understand it's only a working title.
The ozone hole is very eighties - I think you'd bring it more upto date mentioning global warming/climate change or whatever they're trying to call it thesedays.
- Log in to post comments
Hi, Moya, read all three
Hi, Moya, read all three parts together. You seem to have started on a huge labour!
I was intrigued by your moving from 'the big, bad businesses' and the pleasure people have in laying into anonymous people as a group, to the more personal badness of individuals as in the crowd trying to get on to the flight, and then the on-ship introduction of the callous, viscious slavemasters; and also bringing in other factors that show unknown complexities distorting assumptions about the businesses' blame.
Rhiannon
- Log in to post comments
this is looking better too!
this is looking better too! One more tip (and it's something I always do): in the dialogue, once I've written it, I always go back and make sure I've abbreviated things in the way one would if one were talking - I've, it's etc etc. It makes things read in a much less stilted way.
- Log in to post comments
Good chapter Moya. It's
Good chapter Moya. It's beginning to open up now. We know that it's not the Government and it's those pesky Aliens! Onto number four....
- Log in to post comments