What Alice Sees: Chapter 5

July 13th 1993

 

Teri woke slowly, listening to the rustling of the duvet as Shaun rolled around on the other side of the bed. She opened her eyes slowly, blinking into focus as Shaun sat up and went to the window. He sat in her nursing chair, rocking back and forth a couple of times before slowing to a stop. A car drove by, the driver revving the engine as the vehicle climbed the hill, the glow from the headlights flashing on the walls for an instant.

“Why are you awake?” Teri asked, still on the brink of unconsciousness, her body relaxed her limbs heavy and immobile.

“Can’t sleep,” he replied.

Teri blinked slowly and took a deep, pacifying breath. “That’s obvious.” She plumped her pillow and sat up to face him. “Why can’t you sleep?”

Shaun didn’t turn to her, continuing to stare out of the window. Outside, a couple walked past, their drunken whispers echoing down the street. The man was horny and looking for some action. The woman kept asking why Georgina had been sniffing around them all evening and telling him to move his bloody hands off her backside. The couple faded from earshot, and Shaun still didn’t reply.

“Fine, whatever,” Teri said and slid back under the covers.

She stared at the bedroom door for a long time, wishing Shaun would get over David and cheer up. Christ, two years had gone by. It was time to move on. Minutes ticked by on her alarm clock until eventually her eyelids drooped, and she fell asleep.

Dreams came of being trapped outside the house, unable to get in as the clouds above dropped snow. Shivering in the muffled silence of snowfall, she banged on the door. Alice peered down from the upstairs window, her little face unsmiling. Icicles hung from the gutter above. They seemed to vibrate, and Teri took a cautious step back, her feet disappearing in a snowdrift. The curtains to the living room window suddenly parted to reveal Shaun. His black hair had grown long and was pulled back into a ponytail, emphasising his oriental features. He raised one hand to reveal a long sword. The metal glinted as he turned the blade in the light. Then, grasping the handle in both hands, he held the weapon high and pointed the tip towards his chest.

“No!” Teri woke with a jolt. Sweat beading on her face ran down her skin and onto the pillow.

“You okay, Mummy?”

Teri rolled over to find Alice sat cross-legged on Shaun’s side of the bed, her favourite bear on her lap.

“I’m fine, baby.” Teri stretched, wrapping an arm around Alice and pulling her under the covers. “We’ve still got half an hour before we need to get up. What do you say to a bit more sleep?”

“Jack’s party is today,” Alice said, blinking wide-eyed at Teri.

“Is that why you’re awake?”

Alice nodded, smiling.

“Did you see Daddy off to work?”

“I had breakfast with him.” Alice frowned. “Is Daddy sad? Daddy looks sad.”

Teri shrugged. What do you say to a child? She closed her eyes and chose not to reply.

“Do you think my hair should be yellow, like Alice in the book?”

“I think at a dressing-up party, you can come as you wish. And I think you’re going to look like you’ve just stepped out of Wonderland.”

Alice giggled.

“You’re not going to sleep any more, are you?”

Alice shook her head.

“Fine. Shall we start getting ready for school?”

***

Teri let out a laugh as Jack’s dad opened the door.

“Sorry I’m a little late picking Alice up, Scott.” Teri stared at him for a second. “Nice outfit,” she added with a smirk.

Scott adjusted his red spotted bowtie and leaned over in an exaggerated bow complete with hand waving in circles in the air, his eyes never leaving hers as he put his arm to his middle and bent over. His top hat threatened to topple, but somehow stayed balanced on his head.

“Nice to see you, to see you nice.” He straightened up, sporting a wide smile. “Somehow, I’ve managed without your ever wonderful presence.” He indicated over his shoulder as screams of laughter emanated from the garden. “Jack and Alice are still on the bouncy castle. If you had been on time to pick her up,” he winked at her, “you would have seen all the pirates and nurses. Oh, and we had a Spiderman, and a–”

“Hi Mummy!” Alice ran up, a spaniel yapping at her ankles. “Jack and I are seeing who can jump the highest! Want to come see?”

Scott peered down at Alice. “I do hope you found this a fun party.” He put his hands on his hips and asked, “Who were you dressed as, anyway?”

“I’m Alice in Wonderland, silly.” She did a twirl, her blue striped dress filling out around her, the dog running in circles around her legs and barking furiously.

“Beautiful,” Scott said. He patted his leg for the dog to come, but it ignored him and sat down beside Alice.

“And you’re the Mad Hatter. We match,” Alice said, giggling as he bowed again. She turned and ran through the house and back out to the garden.

The dog squeezed past Scott and jumped up at Teri.

“Brains, stop!” Scott yelled, reached down, and dragged the dog back into the house by its collar. The spaniel scowled at him then bounded down the hall and out the back door.

“One day you are going to tell me why that dog is called Brains,” Teri said. “Seems a bit contrary.”

“Short for ‘Shit for Brains’, Pam named him.”

“Is that true?” Teri studied Scott as he checked to see if the dog had left the house. There was something about him. Something that made her stop and hold her breath for half a second. Maybe it was the look of honesty in his eyes, or the crinkly smile lines on his cheeks.

“It absolutely is! I found out after our divorce that she never liked dogs,” Scott said, his face deadpan.

Teri let out a laugh.

“Are you coming in sometime today?” Scott moved to the side, standing to attention. His top hat brushed against the ceiling. He fixed her with his gaze, eyes twinkling, a smile to match. Not like Shaun. The opposite of Shaun. Vibrant.

Scott linked arms with Teri and skipped her down to the kitchen.

“It was like a mad house in here earlier,” he said as he waved a hand at the mess in the kitchen.

“I’ll bet,” Teri replied. She surveyed the plates of half-eaten food and the badly mopped-up remains of brightly coloured spilled drinks. “Do you need a hand?”

“You know, that would be really nice. Thanks.” He gave an exaggerated sigh and grabbed a tea towel. “You wash, I’ll dry. Then I’m ready to crash out for the night.” He staggered a step backwards, the back of one hand against his forehead as he faux swooned. Brains came in from the garden and sat quietly in the middle of the kitchen floor. Scott tripped over her as he stumbled back, raising a yelp from the spaniel as he squashed her foot with his. “Bloody dog!” he yelled. “Out the bloody way!”

“Don’t hurt her!” Teri shouted. A laugh escaped her as the dog darted around under Scott’s feet. Teri reached out to stop his fall and grabbed him by the arm. He grasped back, and for a moment, they held each other as Brains nipped between their legs and jumped into her basket. She curled up, tail between her legs, looked up at them with wide eyes.

“Sometimes, she doesn’t deserve the compliment.” His eyes seemed almost magical, green with a dark blue circle at the edge of the iris. Scott let go of Teri and knelt down beside Brains, stroking her behind the ear. “Silly dog.”

Teri took a steadying breath and returned to the dishes. She spun the hot water tap and squirted some Fairy liquid into the sink.

“How’s that good-for-nothing husband of yours?” Scott asked as he straightened up and joined Teri by the counter. Outside, the children bounced on the bouncy castle, taking turns to jump as high as possible, landing on the attached blow-up slide – a dark skinned Alice in Wonderland, and a pirate who looked more like the Milky Bar kid with badly drawn stubble.

“He’s the same. Not sure how I survive in that house, to be honest. His depression gets me down.” Teri filled the sink with cups and plates and started scrubbing, avoiding Scott’s eyes. “Sometime, all I need is a proper hug. You know what I mean?”

There was a long pause as she placed cups on the drying rack, then Scott spoke. “I do understand. Gets lonely here on my own.”

“Well, if you even need a cuddle, you can count on me,” Teri said and reached over for a tall ceramic jar.

“Oh, no. Don’t wash that!” Scott reached over her and grabbed the container. “My granddad’s in there.”

Teri took a step back. “I swear, I’ve never noticed that.” She frowned. “Why on earth do you keep your grandfather’s ashes by the sink?”

“He liked to be here by the sink, watching the birds in the garden.” Scott held the urn and stared out in the direction of a row of well-stocked bird feeders.

“I’m so sorry.” She put a hand to her mouth as a look of horror crept over her face. “A few more seconds and…”

“No worries. Granddad would laugh.” Scott dried off the suds Teri left on the urn with his tea towel. “You know he was senile even before I was born, and went downhill from there. Yet he never forgot the names of the birds. Drove my grandmother crazy quizzing her, only he’d call her by a different name each time. After he died she’d say it was more of a relief than anything.”

Teri laughed. The sound felt good, almost foreign – loud and brash. There was too little laughter in her life. Why couldn’t Shaun get over David and move on? Suddenly the laughter turned to tears. Teri leaned over the sink, trying to contain the sniffing, blinking hard to try and clear her vision.

“I’m so sorry,” Teri said. “I guess that ‘good-for-nothing’ husband of mine is getting to me.” She wiped her eyes. “If I’m to be honest, I’m just about done trying.”

She jumped as Scott placed his hands on her shoulders and started to rub in slow circular motions. A need grew inside her, a powerful need to be touched, to be loved. Teri tried to resist, tried to open her eyes wide and take in the children playing in the garden. But despite them, maybe because of them, she turned to face Scott, her face tilted up to his. The Mad Hatter’s hat still wobbled on his head, she grinned through the tears. A slight nod sent the hat falling to the ground behind them. Scott ran a hand through his hair, freeing the blonde curls. Then he leaned over and kissed her.

For a moment, the kiss could be that of two close friends – closed lips pressing together, a gap between their bodies, arms at their sides. Then she pressed against Scott, and he took her into his embrace.

“When are you going to leave him?” Scott asked, and took a step away. Brains looked up at them from her basket, her head cocked to one side, her expression curious.

“Don’t ask me questions I can’t answer,” Teri said and moved back to him, taking his hand and linking their fingers. She didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then said, “And please, don’t stop.”

Scott kissed her again, a deep and passionate kiss. He pulled away, and after briefly checking the children, led her upstairs.

“We shouldn’t be up here.” Teri stared out the window at the children. They were in the sand pit now, apparently competing for the biggest sandcastle.

“They’ll be fine.”

“What if they go back on the trampoline? One of us should be watching.”

His arms wrapped around her waist and he snuggled up behind her.

“And that’s any different to when we were in the kitchen?”

“It is…”

“Is this really about being here, with me? Here in my bedroom?”

“I don’t know.”

Scott leaned down and kissed the side of her neck. Teri felt her breath quicken.

“I can stop,” he said in a whisper.

Alice lay down to make a sand angel. She’d be sandy for days. Something inside had awakened. Not lust, but need… she hadn’t been wanted in such a long time.

“Don’t stop,” she finally said.

“Are you sure?” he asked as he led her towards the bed. The sounds of Alice and Jack playing filtered in through the open window. Clothes lay strewn on the bed – Scott’s and Jack’s pyjamas, smart clothes he maybe wore earlier in the day to work. He swept them onto the floor, and sat on the edge of the bed.

 “I am sure,” she said, and kissed him.

***

They lay post coitus, the bedcovers partly hiding her body. Scott ran his fingers around her belly button then dragged his fingertips up her stomach, raising a crop of goose bumps on her skin. He circled her right nipple until it hardened, then leaned over and teased the skin with his tongue. Teri let out a groan, a quiet sound as she tried to listen for footsteps on the stairs. The children had come inside just as he’d entered her. The sound of ripping followed as Jack opened his presents. Alice squealed and cooed as Scott eased inside her. She’d arched her back to help him, her hands on his bottom, pulling him forward, deeper.

Scott stretched up to kiss her. His lips were soft, his breath fragrant as he placed a hand between her legs, pressed against her again and sighed. She parted her legs, feeling warmth flow there.

Downstairs, Jungle Book played. Teri hummed along to The Bear Necessities for a few bars as Scott rolled on a condom for the second time. He climbed onto her, trailing kisses on her skin as he worked his way down her body. His head was between her legs when they heard the quiet sounds of footsteps on the stairs.

“Daddy?” Jack called.

“Oh shit!” Teri whispered as Scott looked up, his eyes wide.

He fell off Teri and rolled onto the floor, landing on his feet.

“Here’s your things,” he said, grabbed her blouse and trousers and chucked them at her.

The sound of two sets of feet on the stairs was clear now. The children were talking about a set of paints, and they were nearly on the landing.

Teri pulled her blouse on and wiggled into her trousers. The children were in the hall, looking into Jack’s bedroom. The zip on her trousers stuck halfway. Teri gave up and fastened the button. She spied her underpants across the room, ran over and snatched them off the carpet and stuffed them in her pocket. The children were in the upstairs hall.

“Daddy?” Jack called again, and opened what sounded like the bathroom door.

Scott buttoned his jeans, his t-shirt on back to front, her bra near his bare feet. He followed her terrified gaze, and flipped it to her with a kick. It wouldn’t fit in her pocket. Teri searched around then stuffed it under the bedcovers. One sandal was partly under the bed, the other by the door to Scott’s en-suite. She slipped one on, ran for the other, and ran to the side of the bed.

“Hey kids,” Teri said as the children wandered into the room. “Scott was just showing me what a wonderful view he has from up here.

Scott stood apart from Teri, already regaining his customary joviality. He knelt down on one knee and beckoned to the children. “Did I hear something about painting?”

Teri watched them from the window, and realised that she’d not thought of Shaun once since she and Scott had come upstairs. Where was the guilt? She waited for the shame, struggling to inhale until a curtain of silver dots obscured her vision. Teri dragged in a deep breath and the room snapped back in startling clarity, along with a single thought: No regrets.