Smiling, Waving and Crying

Cherry

By Bee

Wed, 16 Jul 2014
  • 3549 reads
14 comments
 

On the day that you told me,
the hope I'd clung to died.
I walked off into the kitchen,
brewed the tea and cried.

I dried my eyes, and wiped my nose
on my sleeve, then smiled -
'Cake? A biscuit?
Yes, I'm fine,' I lied.

You held my hand and said,
'I love you, you know?'
'I know,' I said, 'I love you too.'
You left me then, smiling and waving
and crying again -
something I still do.

On the day that you told me,
I wish I had begged you - Don't go!
Would it have made any difference?
Somehow - Yes, would be sadder than -
No.

Certificate U
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

very hard to do this kind of thing and not sound mawkish. Well done

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi insert.

Thank you, I'm really pleased it wasn't overdone. And thank you, too, for the cherries - very much appreciated.

Bee

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

This is very well 'sculpted', Bee, and the interweaving rhymes heighten the flow. So much unsaid, left to the imagination, including what kind of love could lead to such a parting, and the finality of not being able to yet ask that question belatedly. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Rhiannon. As usual, you gleaned so much.

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Great writing, Bee.  Cherries more than deserved.

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks Tina.

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

I like this kind of poem - and can relate to the story.  Well done.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you, Jean. Really pleased you liked it.

Bee

Submitted by VeraClark on

Rhyme's tricky to pull off with a serious sentiment - you do it finely here, Bee.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi Ray.

I know what you mean about rhyme - it can sound a bit - di-dum di-dum in the face of tragedy. Glad this didn't. 

Thank you for reading, and for the positive feedback.

Bee

Submitted by edithrose on

It is so hard to write heart felt poetry that rhymes without it sound trite, but you have managed it beautifully.

I very much liked the last couple of lines.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you edithrose. That means so much.

Bee

Submitted by Rachel84 on

I found this poem very touching. Great writing, well done :)

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Rachel.

Bee