Deflated - Song Lyric
By Dynamaso
- 1845 reads
You have the lightest step,
you walk on clouds, make it rain.
Down in the dumps I live
with bitter smiles, collecting pain.
But sometimes I look to the sea
and wonder where I went wrong.
I fold my heart into a boat
and watch it float
away.
You have the softest fist,
you punch the clouds, make it snow.
Down in the depths I live
with broken dreams, collecting woe.
But sometimes I look to the sky
and wonder what I did wrong.
I shape my heart into a bird
and watch it fly
away.
It wouldn’t take much to make amends.
It wouldn't take much to make amends,
but I can’t forgive myself.
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Comments
'I fold my heart into a boat
'I fold my heart into a boat
and watch it float
away.' Really liked this.
It would work so well as a song. Have you performed it?
Enjoyed.
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Great structure. The last bit
Great structure. The last bit of each stanza is beautiful.
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There's fantastic rythm in
There's fantastic rythm in this. It's something I've always had to work on. I get too bogged down in trying to be verbose that the rythm takes a backseat. It seems to come natrually to you. Keep writing, mate, because I'm devouring these delicious words like a gannet.
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