Desire

By K. N. Thorn

Sun, 28 Sep 2014
  • 1116 reads
5 comments
 

I want you, I need you
I must have you...
Nothing to sedate the craving.
To feel your skin and mine caressing.

Hold me, kiss me
Love me, fuck me ...
I am yours, you are mine.
We'll be together for all time.

Do with me as you please
Let me worship you forever
mind, body, and soul.
'til I am down in a hole.

Certificate 18
Poem
Poems
Love

Comments

Submitted by Bee on

Hi K. You describe so well, the craving side of desire, the wanting at all cost to covert and possess. You've posted it under 'love', but it comes across to me as quite aggressive in it's all consuming want / need. I find the second stanza a quite scary, for some reason, and can imagine a recipient of such a strong message feeling possibly a little trapped. And in the last stanza, the narrator is prepared to give it all away. It's a plea, which seems to suggest uncertainty. As a poem, the form works well with the rhyme, but I feel the last line lets it down, seeming to be there for the purpose of making a rhyme, and doesn't fit with the positive idea of the initial want. These are just my personal reactions on reading, so just ignore what isn't useful to you.

Best wishes,

Bee

Submitted by K. N. Thorn on

Hi Bee,

Thank you for reading and the compliment too. I need this type of critisizm to help me grow. 'Love' can be that scary, don't you think? Would you plead for what you desired? I think love comes to us in many ways. This poem is from when I first met my husband. I found it recently and reworked it a little. I really did feel this way though and that is the well from which I get my poetry. I like to tell a story in my poems using the emotions to make it tangable, relatable. I do stumble and fall so thank you for helping me to get back up. I didn't realise I had turned my positive into a negative, but your absolutely right. I had thought I had gotten the poem to come full circle, do you have any advice on that? Please keep reading and commenting, I love all the input.

-K.N. Thorn-

Submitted by K. N. Thorn on

I forgot to ask, would this poem fit better under 'romance' instead? I do not think it would belong under 'erotica'.

-K.N. Thorn-

Submitted by Bee on

It's only one opinion, but I don't think it's so much romantic, as it is about love, so I'd leave it as that. 

Bee

Submitted by K. N. Thorn on

Thanks for all your input Bee, I really appriciate it!

-K.N. Thorn-