22. Burn

Cherry

By chant

Wed, 31 Dec 2014
  • 964 reads
4 comments
 

You turned a brood of skivers &
hair-washers into No Reflection;
now they want to self-manage.
Like an undertaker you beat
their door. Invited over the
threshold into the bacon-reeking
living room, they’re passed out
on the couch, the floor; needles,
foil, all the petty trappings
of pleasure round them, boys
will be boys, as you hoist back
the curtain. Rise & shine.

@ianjmclachlan

Certificate PG
Poem
A London Vampire

Comments

Submitted by scratch on

Excellent cameo.  Particularly like from 'bacon-reeking' onwards.

 

Submitted by chant on

thanks scratch.

 

Submitted by Bee on

You keep the wonderful mood of a watcher - the only one who knows your intentions. Again, so easy to visualise - hear, and each line has its own complete meaning. The only line that doesn't do this for me is line 5 - ending on ' the'. My mind kept wanting to rearrange things slightly, but that's probably just me.  Another great addition to this collection. 

Bee

Submitted by chant on

thanks Bee. i broke line 5 on 'the' to try and give a sense of a boundary being crossed, but realise it's unconventional to end on the definite article. may review that.