Someone else's socks

‘My dad’s got a pair you can borrow’

says Alice the next morning but you think

I can’t spend the day with Alice

wearing her dad’s socks. It’d feel weird in the gallery

and restaurant but mid-shave with the door open

he shouted help yourself

and there we were rummaging in his chest of drawers.

‘Yes he’s fine for pants’ Alice called back, kindly

before double checking and I confirmed

yes I’m fine for pants

but then two weeks later you see a grey pair

with the Slazenger logo in your sock drawer

and think Slazenger? Slazenger?

what’s happened here?

but then you remember

all that blood at the football

the guy who slid into a tackle

and took off a layer of skin from your ankle

said ‘I live round the corner

You’ll definitely need it cleaned up and a plaster.’

 

‘Why’s there a pair of Fred Flinstone socks in the washing machine?’

your second wife demands.

She’s been suspicious ever since you told her you’d started

taking advantage of the free parking at the art school.

‘but I thought work provided you with a permit?

No. that was one of the changes

at the start of the new financial year.

First of all it was the u-turn on giving us those new office chairs

then they said no more parking permits and it was Ed

who mentioned the art school round the corner.

And you want to say football injury, football injury

but it feels you’ve used that excuse before

but still you explain that you cut your toe

and had to go round to this guy’s house

and all his socks were cartoon characters

and he didn’t even seem to think that was weird

well are you just going to keep them now?

I don’t know. I can’t remember where he lives

and it would be odd to put them through the wrong letter box

someone's just posted us a pair of

admittedly washed socks

 

You can’t go to Don’s in those!

They’ve got holes in!

Don always makes you take the shoes off

he goes crazy about any dirt on his carpet

it’s one of the things Don feels very strongly about

and someone will notice

and word will get around

look at the state of those socks they will say.

‘But they’re my only clean pair.’

Well you’ll have to go in a pair of mine

and you feel all frilly and wrong at Don’s house

‘Are you sure this isn’t about you not getting an invite?

I could tell you were annoyed

But you know what Don’s like.’

‘No it’s fine just go upstairs and change them.’

But you protest so hard

because it just doesn’t feel right

when you can’t be in your own pair of socks.