If April Were October

Here I am choking on popcorn
like you choked on words
and spitting it out
like you spat out hate

to make me leave with the leaves of fall
and you prayed to no one, anyone
that while winter would be like death
in the spring you’d find new life

away from me 
away from my touch and my words
away from long poems like this one

no more tears and bitter peaches
the end of not being enough
and breaking perfectly good hearts

and maybe you’ll find a love you actually want
somebody to love you as much as I do

somebody that won’t write 
unrequited love poems
that make you cry 
when you’re trying to move on

reminding you how much you hate yourself
and how much everyone must hate you

I don’t hate you. Nobody does.

Your imagination runs wild 
and you hear the things nobody said 
behind your back 

You have always been my first choice

I’m not even second best.
I don’t get a ranking
A medal or even a proper goodbye
and I sure as hell don’t get you

The way you tell me you love me
then leave it all behind
like it’s nothing
but a responsibility you didn’t ask for

So maybe if the popcorn doesn’t kill me
I can find new life in the springtime too