Panic Button

This is brilliant. Those machines are terrifying. Thirty minutes of such uncertainty and awful claustrophobia. 

Very vivid, very hard. The possibility of pressing the button sounds like the only thing to help persevere. I can imagine other situations that must feel the same, especially not being able to wipe the nose-drip. Holt breath = hold? Rhiannon

very real and beautifully captured. Well done Bee. 

on a very frivolous note, I had an MRI on my head last year (they found nothing!) and they gave me headphones and a list of music. Took one look and said no thanks. Then the minute I was under the machine they started playing Neil Diamond. I'm not sure which was worse - listening to Neil Diamond, or seething at the thought that they decided I was the kind of person who might enjoy Neil Diamond.

Very strong opening and closing stanzas Bee..."filled with uncertainty and a residue of dye" is precisely how I felt last week after a hospital visit!

Very good poem. I feel the claustrophobic feeling and squeezing of the chest. 

"I can't do this.  Yes you can..."  

Bee, you're a star, and a shining example to all of us.  

Tina

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It's amazing what you can do Bee when you REALLY have to. The mind is screaming NO, yet you know there really is no alternative. I had an MRI a couple of years ago. The Nurse asked me if I'd like some music and I said yes. She went away and then everything began. When it was over she came back in and I asked her what happened to the music. She simply said "Oh sorry, I forgot." I would have killed for some Neil Diamond!

Sounds like the medics are on auto-pilot. I almost want to say, 'you're very brave Bee' but that doesn't sound right, what are the other choices? Your poem successfully conveys the helplessness and utter peculiarness of the treatment. I think I would struggle to keep the lid on panic but i am thinking as a healthy person (i hope). 

hard to imagine what was the worst, beign on the hospital, or beign on the tube..., great stuff bee!

This is so immediate, you give such a sense of the moment, I felt my heart beating faster and space shrinking, constricting breath, wonderful, frightening poem.

Thank you for lettng us share this, Bee  I'm very claustrophobic and I do sometimes wonder what I'd do if they wanted to put me in one of those things.  And I particularly loved the opening lines - made me smile and wince at the same time!  Very well deserved golden cherries.

Hi Bee

beautifully done - and thanks so much for  being prepared to share your experiences with us. I'm sure others who are or will experience similar things will benefit from your bravery. I know the noise of the machine too - but at least I was face up and my nose wasn't running. 

Jean

Bee, I couldnt find the words yesterday to comment. Sometimes I find it hard to seperate the work from the person who is living what they've written. I know you'll get me. The poem: It conveys the dark panic and the battle with self to conform to the oppression of the machine, to chin up and soldier on in the face of a nightmarish sensory experience and an emotional experience, too. Really powerful.

Hello Bee,

Vera is right when she speaks of the sensory and emotional experience. I sometimes think the emotional impact is often forgotten by the nursing staff.  I haven't had an MRI scan, but I did have a brain scan and like insert they found nothing, but the machine came so close to my face I thought it was going to take my nose off.  When I told my friend I was having a brain scan she said 'Well, that won't take long then, will it?'  Afterwards, I told her that I must have some grey matter because it took forty minutes.

Keep strong and keep writing because this poem shines like a beacon.

Moya