Reality Check

By Deliberately Evolving

Thu, 18 Jun 2015
  • 1475 reads
9 comments
 
 
Trapped in a tunnel with no end.
Darkness prevails, progress hindered
by the lack of hope and direction. 
Sounds of far off words spoken 
by laughing, happy voices 
filling the air, pervades and echoes 
from all directions, thick 
like smoke, choking you 
with every breath. 
Seeing a crack, you fight
with every ounce of declining strength 
to break free and head to the sounds
of safety and happiness. 
Eventually success reveals 
all you have feared...
beyond the walls of your cell 
exists only darkness;
more nothing and less hope. 
The grass isn't greener on the other side. 
There is no grass.
Certificate U
Poem
Philosophy

Comments

Submitted by love_writing on

A somber moment of darkness well executed. The ending offers no resolution which adds to it's sense of place - that feeling of being stuck. The unbroken structure works well with this. 

love_writing

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks LW. It's a bit dark I know but life's not all sunshine and roses is it. I'm glad you think it is well executed. 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Sure, life isn't all sunshine and roses and pretended smile. This piece does seem to portray nightmare, though, or maybe where hope is being looked for in the wrong place or from the wrong things, or as the wrong sort of hope, as it gives no glimmer of where real hope is to be found, or what exactly it is, in the midst of dark times. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

That is a very wise and insightful comment Rhiannon

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by EB on

Sometimes we feel like this - hopeless when we think everyone else seems happy and oblivious. The feeling comes through strongly in the writing. Well expressed.

Submitted by EB on

Sometimes we feel like this - hopeless when we think everyone else seems happy and oblivious. The feeling comes through strongly in the writing. Well expressed.

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks EB. 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Bee on

Breaking free, worst fears are realized. A living torment. Well written. 'exist only darkness;' - exist(s).

Really liked this, AE.

Bee

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks for pointing out the typo Bee. I appreciate it. Glad you liked the poem. 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.