The Untold Story of a Grim Reaper: Chapter 27: Heaven Help Me

“Such pretty eyes,” complimented my nurse as she shined a flashlight back and forth over them. It was obvious that I was unharmed and my nurse refused to believe I was struck by lightening. I did a small physical and that seemed to suffice.

I shrugged a smile, “Thank you.”

Dabbing the clipboard with the bud of her pen she said, “I’m going to need you to wait for your guardian in the waiting room. We have a lot of people here who need this room.”

“Not a problem, I’ll go.”

She nodded and left me to collect my thoughts. A tap at the window gave me a moment of relief when I saw it was my raven. I opened the window, allowing my spirit to spring to my shoulder. Having it back with me reminded me how much I needed and missed it. 

With my spirit hooked to my shoulder, I took to the halls to wander and check on the students and Ethel and Julius. No one seemed to notice my raven as I passed the dozens of burn victims from the school fire.

 I approached the counter at the end of the hall. Two men sat, busily writing and answering phone calls. My presence eventually caught their attention.

The man asked, “What do you need?”

I asked timidly, “Do you know what room a woman named Ethel is in?”

He gave a large sigh as he typed on his computer, “Ethel Kingston? 

I nodded, “Yes, Ethel Kingston.”

“Room 113.”

I nodded again and thanked the stressed nurse. Strolling through the hall, I noticed two officers standing guard at room 132. Inside I heard the yells of a deranged man.

Arriving at room 113, I took a moment to gather myself. Staring at the sterling knob, I questioned why I was even checking on them. The farther I stayed from them the safer they were.

Cracking the door slightly, I caught sight of Ethel asleep in a hospital bed. Her forehead completely wrapped in bandages. Her legs both in casts. An oxygen tank hooked up her nose. My foot slipped through the door so that I open it just to fit my body through, trying to make as less noise as possible. 

This scene had my handprints all over it. This was my fault. No matter my intentions, no matter my sincerity, I just kept hurting people. And I had to do so now for the rest of eternity, now that my sentence had been permanent. Now that I’ve been deemed a Renegade. My only purpose left was to wreak havoc to both my enemies and allies. 

My spirit cawed loudly in my ear, seeming to be angry at my self-deprecation. My raven jumped from my shoulder to the vacant bed next to Ethel.

The empty chair next to Ethel’s bed called my name. But what did I exactly want out of this visit? I made her forget my name, my face, my existence. I was nothing to them now.

I shuffled my feet to the pasty, green chair. My spirit fled to the window ceil, feathers from its body shed onto of Ethel’s bed. I leaned forward to crack it open enough for it to leave.

Once it left, I picked up the feathers and put them in my pocket. Soon I settled myself in the cushion, neutrally staring at the once lively Ethel. I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my head on my knees. 

Closing my eyes, confessing in a mumble, “I am so, so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”

“Where have you been, Noa?” replied Ethel. 

I shot my eyes up, hugging my knees tighter. I was so shocked that she called me that. I asked dumbfounded, “How do you know my name?”

Ethel turned her head farther to look at me, scrunching her face in confusion but giving a small laugh in reply, “What do you mean ‘how do you know my name?’ You’re Noa. You’re my Noa.”

I leaned forward, resting my hands on the side of her bed, slightly speaking to myself, “But… but I left. I thought you forgot me.”

Ethel grew even more confused, “Forgot you? How could I forget you? No matter what you do I could never forget you. Simply leaving wouldn’t be enough, although you had your father and I worried sick.”

I couldn’t organize myself to make a complete sentence, “But… I… told you to forget me.”

Ethel carried her hand to mine and squeezed it, “I could never forget someone I love.”

I felt warm. Their love was stronger than deaths power.

Ethel nodded her head to catch my attention from my thoughts, “Noa, this was not your fault.” She stated in a motherly affirmation. I shook my head, scrunching my eyes shut over my loss of words. Ethel squeezed my hand tighter and slightly shook it, “Noa, look at me.” I looked to her, “This was not your fault. You understand?” The coughing that followed her words reignited my shame. As the wheezing subsided she repeated herself to me, “You understand?”

I lied, “Yes, mam.”

She coughed again before asking, “Good. Now can you go get your father for me, please?”

I stood up tiredly, “Of course. Where is he?”

“Thank you. He said something about a small quiet room or chaplain of some sorts down the hall.”

Patting her arm, I nodded and walked solemnly to the hall. It was cluttered even more with the madness of the fire victims. I checked the map on the opposite wall to find the quiet room. Following the direction and finally finding the door to the room, I felt a sudden hesitation. 

My pace slowed down almost immediately as I caught sight to the cracked open door. The forces of this ground were trying to keep me out, it wanted me to change.

Cracking the door farther open, the best I could, I called out, “Julius? Are you in there?” 

Not a soul crept inside the dark room. I read the words written in white on the door CHAPLAIN and underneath QUIET ROOM. 

A whisper was calling me in. I would have just continued searching for Julius, shrugging off my banishment, but I kept hearing something call to me. I double-checked to see if anyone was watching me. Everyone was preoccupied with the burn and shock victims of the afternoon. 

Chancing it, I picked up my foot. Pressing it closer through the doorway. My foot felt like someone was peeling off my skin. I winced, immediately drawing it back. 

Like a Band-Aid, I told myself, Just jump in.

As if being pushed, I forwarded into the chaplain. The feeling of my skin being ripped off replayed on my entire body. Followed by the sensation of a needle scraping at my skin. The chisel to bone happened once again. All whilst I rose off the ground, forced to shed my skin to be my honest self.

In less than a few seconds, the transformation ended with the door slamming shut behind me. The light bulbs in the room burst and the candles sparked. 

I looked down at my body. It was once again completely black with the faint inscriptions walking over my coarse skin. My wings pressed against the walls, I folded them to cover me in the feathered cloak. I noticed the taste in my mouth had changed. My mouth was poison, it made me feel dark, thirsty.

The room was a small rectangle, three rows of wooden benches on either side of the room. Stain glass windows of angels. A platform rose at the end of the room, centered by a podium and a brass cross. Judging by the several different books of worship at the end of the room though, I could tell it was a secular chaplain.

My steps were loud on the wood floor as I made my way to the end of the room. I squinted at the brass cross with the carving of the Son of God. I kept staring at the entity, I couldn’t hide the anguish and spite I felt looking at it. My heart looked at all these sacred symbols and I felt betrayed by all of them.

I looked down at my body, ashamed, “This is all I am.”

“Noa,” I turned around to see Eliakim at the door. He gently continued, “This is all you’ve allowed yourself to be. Consider that you look this way… because this is how you see yourself. What you think it means to be a reaper.”

I glanced down at the abyss that was my body. Maybe it was true… maybe this was how I saw myself… maybe this is what I told myself the rest of the world saw me as. A shadow. 

I looked back to Eliakim, sternly demanding the answer to my question, “What have you been keeping from me? Tell me, I deserve to know my part in all of this.”

“You know I can’t speak about any of this.”

I stomped, “You said you wanted me to keep an eye on Lilli! Why am I so important? Why does it feel like the entire afterlife is against me?”

Eliakim got close, softly whispering, “Prophecies, Noa, much of the fate of the middle world rests on a decision you are going to inevitably make. I can’t say anymore, it hasn’t been my choice to be this absent, I was ordered to leave you be. To not manipulate your choices.”

Frustrated, my voice roared, “You are all so infuriating! Some of you say I’m special, some of you say I’m worthless! Hell! Some of you say I’m a murderer!”

“Murderer?”

I sat on the bench abruptly, pulling my feather cloak to show the mark on my calf, it was now a contrasting white against my coal flesh, “This! This scar says it all! One of your trustful Cardinals marked me as a Renegade! So what choices do I have left, Eliakim? It seems already decided for me! I will be a reaper forever.”

Eliakim’s worried expression melted into a stoic anger, “Why did you kill yourself?”

I rubbed my face in frustration, giving him much malice in my scowl but it didn’t even make him flinch. I confessed, “I killed myself to make everyone feel sorry for what they had done to me.” I stood and scowled, “I killed myself to make myself pay for everything wrong with me.” I stomped and shouted to the heavens, “I killed myself because you weren’t there!” barking back to Eliakim, “I don’t know why I killed myself anymore, Eliakim, I’m starting to barely remember being alive!”

Eliakim turned to me, “Sometimes it takes a painful situation to make us change our ways.”

“I don’t need your parables… what I need… is to find Aaron.”

“About that…”

“What?”

“We don’t actually know where Aaron’s soul is.”

I didn’t recognize my voice as I growled, “Get out.”

“Noa, just listen, I want to-“

I screamed over him, “Get out!”

Balling my fist and striking towards him I was ready to get out all my aggressions. Once my fist swung at him, he disappeared within a flicker of light.

The chapel door swung open, I quickly sunk into the shadow beneath me. Peering through the darkness to see who had entered, it was Julius. 

He called out, “Hello?” 

I shriveled in the corner of the shadow, watching him from it. Julius opened the door wider, tiredly sitting in the bench at the far back. I shifted through the shadows to be closer to him. 

He looked exhausted. Rubbing the tension off his face, tears began to flood his eyes. Behind Julius, I arose from the shadow. Still cloaked in my feathers, I sat next to him. 

I stared at my feet, I could hear his sobs when I said, “I’m so sorry, Julius, for everything.”

I rested a hand on his knee. His sobs faded as he sat up straighter somewhat effected by my touch, he turned around, “Hello?”

I faded into the shadows of the chaplain to leave Julius to his prayers. 

I knew exactly where Aaron’s soul was, I knew where Lilli would hide all of the stolen souls.

Heaven help me, as I possibly do the wrong thing for the right reasons. I will be what it takes to do what I think is right. I cannot lie down to sleep, I cannot die before I wake, but where I must go I trust the Lord my soul to take.

 

Hell is where I needed to set things right. I had to go to Hell to save all those taken. I had to go to Hell to be saved.