The One...

Cherry

By Silver Spun Sand

Fri, 11 Sep 2015
  • 5003 reads
19 comments
 
the girl
with eyes, 
amaranthine 
like a china doll...
 
the one with shoes,
black patent leather
with laces to match
that never came
undone.  
 
The one
helped her mother hang
out the washing...
 
the one who read
herself to sleep
each night
with stories
by the brothers
Grimm.
 
The one
sat on uncle’s knee
each evening...
 
who blew away
her childhood
as easily as leaves
from a wind ravaged Flame Tree
 
as easily
as smoke-rings
from his Meerschaum.
 
The girl 
who sifts 
the long, damp grass
each day at sunrise
looking for daisies, 
in morning fields
 
pulls off their heads –
one by one,
by one...
Certificate 15
Poem
Silver Spun Sand Poems
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

 

 

Submitted by THERESA GAYNORD on

Love it. Subtle, yet it grabs you by the throat. Nice job! 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

My thanks to you, Morgaine, for such a postive comment.  Appreciated.

Tina

 

Submitted by Bee on

Subtle is the word - you get her feelings and her loneliness in the situation even before being hit by your own on the subject. The pulling off of the flower heads is such a strong image and statement - unobserved by anyone who could begin to interpret it. Beautifully crafted. 

Bee

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

...as your comments, Bee, as eversmiley  More than rewarding.

Tina

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Oh, the tragedy and agony that no-one, especially the mother, was watching over her wisely, perceptively, nurturingly. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Two sides to everything, Rhiannon, and as you point out so eloquently, this - the other, equally tragic.

Tina

 

Submitted by EB on

And that's how they get away with it. Another amazing poem. 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Unfortunately, yes, EB, you are so right.  

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Tina,

this was beautiful and sad to read all at the same time.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Hello Jenny...thanks for sticking with it.  

Tina

 

Submitted by scratch on

Lovely Tina.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

scratch...thanks.

 

Submitted by loquaciousicity on

A splendid creation...Bravo!!!

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Terry - much appreciated.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Subtle and sad. Such effective imagery, especially with the daisies at the end.  It's only when you reach the second part of the poem that you realise the current of unease has been there all along. 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

In a nutshell, af.  Thank you.

Tina

 

Submitted by Denzella on

Hello Tina,

This is such a powerful poem.  For me, it wasn't till the fourth stanza that  I felt my unease rising and that last stanza with it's 'one by one by one'.  It's that extra 'by one' that shows the inevitability and hopelessness of the child's situation so graphically..  Thought this was one of your best.  

Moya

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Your feedback, Moya, so very helpful and rewarding.  You picked up on something I was hoping to achieve, and told me I'd succeeded.  So very grateful to you.  You're a star, you knowsmiley

Tina