Suicide

Two men dead

Two men killed them selves

Two men in their 50s from the local church group killed them selves both this year

 

I am sad

I am angry 

I am scared

 

I did nt know them well only from the church

But it scares me

I am scared , you see they were nt that different to me

 

I lie down for an hour

trying to process

Will I run out of hope like them ?

Life is shit but I want to live it

 

Whys it shit ?

We all know why dreaming big at 20 struggling at 30 feeling weight of insecurity at 40

But ??? dead by 50 dead by 50 dead by 50 dead by 50 dead by 50

FUCK

HELL

Angry on facebook call the Britain first trolls tossers

Try to make sense of their hate MY HATE THEIR HATE MY HATE THEIR HATE WHY? WHY? WHY?  HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE

Call Osburne a tosser stick Trident up his arse

I do nt feel any better

 

Look for a job again , look for a job a job again job job job

Say my mantra , went to uni did the right thing , went to uni did the right thing

Right thing by family

Right thing by society

I Fucking hurt

Go to gym bury feelings go to gym bury feeling watch self help video on you tube , ted talk drink coffee exist

Dream of winning lottery and fuck all the problems go surfing , eat good food have sex loads of sex and surfing

Sex surfing sex surfing sex surfing sex surfing

Fuck off away from all the Nazis and bullshit I can nt solve say fuck it

And be a happy coward

 

My ex works for UKIP

I bite my tongue to see my son

I do nt hate her but I hate the people she works for

And live in dread off the day my beautiful son says HATE HATE HATE  

 

I hope he won t

I pray he won t

But hate is eating up the world

Two good men died

GOD WHY ?