A tick in time (Revision) (Poetry Monthly)
By Rhiannonw
- 1162 reads
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick:
never slow and never quick,
steadily the old hall clock
keeps on beating, tock, tick, tock.
Seconds always slipping past,
hours can seem to go so fast,
minutes sometimes drag, so slow,
tick, tock, tick in constant flow.
Birthdays come and birthdays go,
notches on the wall – kids grow,
grandads view a life of years,
clock ticked on through smiles and tears.
Pram, school, college – decades fly
like a river rolling by,
parenthood, and sickness, health,
latter years creep in by stealth.
Hear the mechanism click,
tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, tock, tick,
pendulum swings back and fore,
here’s a second, then one more.
Never slow and never quick,
‘til one day a clanking-click –
moving parts wear out, that clock
can no longer tick and tock.
Numbers lit and change on screen,
silently show time has been,
flicking at the ticking pace
viewed upon the old clock face.
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Comments
we are cogs in a worn out
we are cogs in a worn out mechanism, spining and whirring into dust
and soon as your poem describes we will all be digitised!
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To be honest Rhiannon, not up
To be honest Rhiannon, not up to your usual high standard. Rhythm has certainly improved but Tony's critique also related to the metaphor and the cause I would assume is that it has been extensively used before but I may be wrong in my assumption.
I wouldn't worry too much. If you are satisfied with your own effort that's all it matters. Judgement, especially with poetry, is in many cases very subjective.
Best, Luigi x
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