Hugo and the unexpected text message

Gold cherry

By Terrence Oblong

Sat, 23 Apr 2016
  • 3319 reads
10 comments
 
Hugo hated the unexpected. Like when you were in a restaurant and ordered a meal, only to be told that the dish you wanted was off the menu. That always threw him, he would struggle to make a second choice, sometimes they’d have to leave the restaurant and go somewhere more predictable.
 
It was fine if the waiter warned him in advance, when they gave him the menu. “The lobster’s not available,” or “The octopus is now squid”, or even “The crab’s crawled away,” as a waitress said the other week. He understood and even laughed at the waitresses attempt at humour.
 
But once he’d gone through the process of choosing his food he found adjustment difficult.
 
The dead body falling through the sunroof was a similar problem. Hugo didn’t know what to do.
 
It fell from the sky with the biggest crash ever. Luckily Hugo is hyper-focused when he drives and managed to continue to steer safely in a straight line, in spite of the shock. Once the immediate emergency was dealt with, though, he had no idea what to do.
 
He stopped the car to inspect the damage. The body was dead, no question, it must have fallen out of some form of aircraft. Probably an accident, perhaps suicide or even murder, unless someone was transported corpses by air in a particularly careless manner.
 
The car was fine. The roof was smashed in, obviously, but there was no further damage. The car was safe to drive.
 
On another day he’d have called the AA, or maybe the police, or both. But not today. Julie had texted, threatening to leave him. He had to see her straight away, persuade her to change her mind. He’d deal with the corpse in due course.
 
He noted down the gps coordinates so that he could tell the police the exact time and location that the corpse arrived, then drove on.
 
Ten minutes further on he was stopped by a queue of traffic. He thought about telling the policeman who was walking along the line of traffic talking to the drivers, but the policeman had other things on his mind, and didn’t even notice the bloody great hole in his car roof and the corpse on his rear seat.
 
“Sorry about this sir,” he’d said, leaning through the window. “Some monkeys have escaped from the wildlife park and are blocking the road. We are dealing with it, please be patient.”
 
The monkeys got in through the hole in the roof the corpse had left behind it. There were six of them altogether, they joined the corpse on the back seat.
 
Hugo hated the unexpected, like half a dozen monkeys climbing into his car, but the good news was that that the monkeys were no longer blocking the road and the traffic began to move.
 
He had to see Julie. He’d deal with the monkeys in due course.
 
He drove on. There were no further incidents, at least not until the clown flagged him down.
 
They were on a back-road not far from Julie’s. the clown had a big, curly purple wig and introduced himself as Mr Giggles.
 
“Could you give us a tow?” he said. “You’re the only car to pass in twenty minutes, I just need to get to town, it won’t take any time.”
 
The clown nodded to his car, a circus clown car, bright yellow, collapsible-looking, containing three additional clowns, their wigs orange, yellow and pink.
 
Hugo consented. He was in a hurry, but this was a backroad Hugo took when he drove to Julies’, hardly anyone else used it. Besides, it wasn’t far to town, it would be heartless to let the clown down.
 
“Where are you off to?” Hugo asked Mr Giggles as the other clowns fitted the tow rope.
 
“The circus is coming to town,” Mr Giggles said, “and you have just earned a pair of front row seats for the night of your choosing.”
 
“I could take Julie,” Hugo said, “If she still wants to see me.” He explained the situation. “You’re lucky I stopped for you,” he said, “I’m rushing to see Julie now. I didn’t stop for the corpse or for the monkeys.”
 
The clown was confused by the comment, but a quick glance inside Hugo’s car explained everything. The clown looked thoughtfully for a long time. “It’s really good of you to stop in the circumstances,” the clown said. “I had no idea. I’d like to help, do something to help you win Julie back.”
 
“Like what?”
 
“Well, I could use my showbiz connections to pull a surprise for her.”
 
“Could you? Julie always wanted to meet Brad Pitt.”
 
“Brad Pitt eh?” the clown said, shaking his head. “Well my showbiz connections don’t stretch that far, but I can do the next best thing. Leave it with me.” Mr Giggles walked off to make a phone call. By the time he returned the other clowns had finished attaching the tow rope and they were ready to set off.
 
“I’ll go in your car with you, to give directions,” Mr Giggles said.
 
The journey was slow, Hugo was a cautious driver, especially with a car in tow and monkeys on the loose.  However, they eventually reached town intact.
 
“Pull in here,” Mr Giggles said, indicating a working men’s club.
 
“Is this where they’re fixing your car?”
 
“No, we’ll deal with that in due course. This is your surprise for Julie.”
 
Hugo parked and Mr Giggles went inside. A few minutes later he returned, followed by a brass band, about thirty men and women altogether, carrying everything from a bassoon to a euphonium.
 
“What’s this?” Hugo said.
 
“The Milton Colliery Brass Band,” Mr Giggles said. “You’re dead lucky, they were in the middle of rehearsals when I phoned. Julie will be delighted, much better than flowers and chocolates, eh.”
 
Hugo cursed himself for not thinking of flowers and chocolates, but it was too late for that now. He had a clown car and a brass band in tow, not to mention half a dozen monkeys running loose in his car, stopping at Tesco en route would be just asking for trouble.
 
It was only a short distance to Julie’s. Hugo drove slowly enough for the brass band to walk alongside his car. They were playing a Sousa march when he pulled up outside Julie's house, which he recognised as the Monty Python theme.
 
Mr Giggles got out of the car, followed by one of the monkeys, with whom the clown had already formed some kind of bond.
 
Hugo checked Julie's text message one more time. “You just don’t surprise me any more."
Certificate 15
Story
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Loved this... right up until the final paragraph which I felt was a bit weak compared to all the rest - such a shame because the rest is really good!

 

Submitted by Terrence Oblong on

Thanks insert, the last paragraph was a late addition to the original notebook scribbles, I could  just lose it altogether. What do you think?

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I think yes, but perhaps wait a couple of days and see what other people think?

 

Submitted by VeraClark on

Julie had typed? Rather than said, and leave it there? The last para definitely dilutes it. I like it Terrence, it feels confessional and refreshingly light, the eclectic mix of strange things works well.

 

Submitted by Terrence Oblong on

There is certainly a confessional element to this piece

 

Submitted by Terrence Oblong on

Thanks for the feedback. I've deleted the last para

 

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This made me laugh - that's why it's our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Get a fantastic reading recommendation everyday. 

Picture Credit:http://tinyurl.com/hx9lcw2

 

Submitted by celticman on

I do wonder if Alun could have got Brad Pitta, his wife and 27 children in the car? 

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Don't know what the original ending was, but this works brilliantly. 

Submitted by JeremyP-T on

This is a wonderful story.  It kept me guessing right up to the last.  In my writer's circle we are asked to pick one negative thing and one positive thing.  I usually get the negatives out of the way and then concentrate on the positives.  That's what I'll do here if I may.

I found it a delight to read with little to criticise, so I will just say be mindful of editing errors.  After that, it's all good.  I think you might have removed the last paragraph since the first comment but for me I think it could be even punchier.  All in all it was great to follow Hugo along the road collectiong corpses, monkeys and clowns.  I will be reading more of your work in future.

Thanks

Jeremy

Jeremy