Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Dave Webster

Bored of celebrities giving their kids unusual names

Gwyneth Paltrow calls her next daughter Dave Webster.

She looks so beautiful. Beautiful Dave Webster.

She has her mother’s hair.

It’s not Dave - it’s Dave Webster, Gwyneth says sharply.

I know that sounds pretentious

We just think it’s important people call her by the right name.

Can you believe Dave Webster is eleven already!

She’s growing up so quickly.

That’s a pretty name ,a guy in a bar says

but Dave Webster’s heard it all before

Dave Webster admits to being a big Coldplay fan

She really loves British culture. Especially soccer.

Dave Webster in a Leicester shirt

is the most Instagrammed photo of the year

and she’s started playing five a side

Dave Webbo Webster

and Rihanna’s daughter

Clive Jackson.

Dave Webster decides celebrity is too vacuous

so learns a trade. Dave Webster – electrician.

She turns up outside Gwyneth’s house in her van

With Dave Webster – for all your electrical needs.

‘Did you say you wanted me to have a look at that tumble dryer?’

Gwyneth Paltrow and Dave Webster.

It’s so often been just the two of them.

Some people worry. Wouldn’t it be nice

if Dave Webster met someone special

I think Dave Webster’s too close to his mum

Gwyneth Paltrow is well looked after in her old age and drives her places

Dave Webster looks after her. Fixes her kettle and does her washing.

Takes her shopping. Never expects a thank-you, Just gets on with things.

We all need a Dave Webster in our life.