The Runaway's Letter

To Whom it may concern,

I have spent most of my life trying to make people happy, at the expense of my own personal happiness. I realise nobody asked it of me, but I did it anyway, and for that I take full responsibility. But if there’s one thing I know, and believe me I don’t have many convictions, it’s that I can’t carry on much longer doing things I don’t want to do. I’ll end up either dead or insane, and neither option is particularly appealing. Recently, a lot of people have been asking me what it is I want to do. It’s a fair question, and it’s becoming clearer by the day that I don’t have much on an answer. I think I’ve always been scared of giving anything I’m good at a real shot. For a long time, the comforting knowledge that I could do something was enough for me. Not anymore. I think what’s changed is recently I’ve had a few brief glimpses at what happiness could look like for me. It’s no longer enough to just wait for something to happen, wait for someone or something to save me from the boredom of a tasteless existence. For the first time I actually want to try, give it a go.

At this moment, two things are clear to me. Firstly, that I am unhappy in my current situation. Secondly, that I have some vague idea of what it is that could make me happy. Therefore, the only viable course of action for me is to leave my current situation behind, and pursue what I think will bring me happiness. I realise however, that at the heart of all this lies a thorny question: “What if I’m wrong?”. What if what I pursue does not give me happiness? I think that I have the right to make at least one big mistake in my life. And even if I am wrong, at least I’ll be able to say it was an experience. God knows that’s what everyone else does.

I’m writing all this down because I want you to understand that this isn’t an impulsive decision. I’ve given it a lot of thought. I am therefore ready to take entire responsibility for my actions, whatever the consequences may be. I know it may seem rash, but I’ve always had a penchant for flamboyancy, it’s my only real shortcoming, really.

Best Wishes,

X