AS* eye-contact progress

Cherry

By Rhiannonw

Tue, 24 Apr 2018
  • 3536 reads
13 comments
 

age about 5:
I cannot catch his glance, his eye
– I wonder why?

Look at me, I’m scolding you,
No, just brief contact of
our eyes,
don’t stare right through.

age about 11:
“My teacher talked about a ‘twinkle’
in your eye? What does that mean?”
I can’t explain, I do not know
– who does?
do facial muscles crinkle?
and are there glints that glisten
reflectively in moistening eye?

age 28:
Husband and wife both now remember
the day their eyes met
across the room, locked, communicated;

and the day the day-old father
met his daughter‘s gaze
in a hand-held head.

*Aspergher syndrome – eye contact, and communication can be very difficult, and can feel too intense

[Poetry Monthly April: Mamihlapinatapa]

Photograph – copyright David Weber

Certificate U
Poetry Monthly
Families
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by rosaliekempthorne on

Very beautiful.  The eye contact theme threads nicely through the poem.  Uplifting and hopeful, and with core of truth.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. I'm glad you felt the completed piece was beautiful. The memories of our struggles to help his relationship with others, and the abilities he's developed are precious, but not easy to capture! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

How interesting to see the positive progression in this piece Rhiannon!

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thanks, Insert. Good to remember, and record! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Rhiannon,

you got me thinking with your poem. I do find it hard to make eye contact at times, my lip will start twitching and I feel uncomfortable, this isn't around everyone, just certain  people.

I too found it fascinating the way you take the reader through the different ages and how it affects a person.

Very interesting.

Jenny. 

 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Jenny. Sometimes it may be that the person we are expecting to make eye contact with us is themselves nervous, or a bit awkward at it, and maybe tries to keep the contact slightly too long for comfort, and so we avoid the contact altogether. Useful to realise that for some they are not comfortable 'giving an eye twinkle' and it isn't that they are standoffish, or wanting to be unfriendly. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

your love for your son shines through so warmly when he is the subject of your writing, it is wonderful to read. And things which others might take for granted are shown to be life changing, built on the foundation of your love and care. The term day old father is brilliant, both starting a new life.

I love the photo, it is beautiful too

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you so much, Di. It is so good to look back and realise the struggles and stumbles we had trying to help and often not doing so well, and (me anyway) getting frustrated, but he remembers so many incidents and how he realised we/I meant well even when making a bit of a hash of things, and shouting when I shouldn't. The photo really thrilled us as it captivated his progress somehow and showed his delight also. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

This is really interesting, the way that when it really matters eye contact can occur quite naturally. We humans are expected to spend so much time making contact compared with other mammals, some of us struggle with it for sure. Mind you I have no problem maintaining eye contact with my dogs.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Jane. I think for many with autistic or Aspergher spectrum type difficulties, they tend to sheer off eye contact and find it too intense, but as with many difficulties, it probably often can be achieved slowly, with no pressure, and once mastered, like with other people, it becomes quite natural. In my son's case this photograph captured to us the progress he's made over many difficulties he had of communication, and understanding and empathy with his peers (and us!)

That said, yes, the rest of us probably have different attitudes to when we want to, or can, make eye contact. And how brief that eye communication is to be.

I suppose dogs, like children, are reassured by a look that says, quite calmly, 'I mean that'! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

And cherries appreciated, too! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by HarryC on

I've lost count now of the number of really good job interviews I've had - but haven't gotten the job.  Feedback has almost always mentioned 'couldn't maintain eye contact with the interviewer.'  In other words 'This person isn't to be trusted.'  Now, at least, I can give the reason.

Years ago, our family vet had what my mum and dad both thought was a strange tic.  She would 'look' at them, but with her eyes firmly shut.  Looking back on it now, I realise why this was!

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Yes, as you say, being able to explain why eye-contact is difficult can help others to appreciate the problem when they meet others with the same difficulty (maybe in future interviews). I think we often rely on eye-contact to check someone is agreeing or understanding what we are saying, so again, mentioning why there is that difficulty opens the way to try to discuss those things by words. I think my son found gradually he could make a little eye-contact if it was kept brief, but I hadn't realised that it can be so intense for many. Rhiannon