Umbrella 1

I have always lived under the shadow of my father. It's something I am totally incapable of coming out of. My father. 

When he came home from work, I always waited for him. No matter how late he came, I would not take one bite out of my food until he came. Sometimes he came really late and my stomach was growling but still I waited with my mother for him to take the first bite. I would listen to what he said and never disagree with him. I would chew my food, my kim-chi, my rice, and my stew and listen to him. Often I had no idea what he was saying, and I still agreed with him. To me, he always seemed to be right. He sometimes made fun of his colleagues who disagreed with him. I laughed when he laughed. Yes, he was right. He was always right. Even when he was wrong, he was right. After all, this was the man who taught me quadratic equations at the age of five. This was the man who put me in every single mathematical camp since i was six. At first, I disappointed him. I wasn't concentrating. He knew that I had his brain and what a marvelous brain it was. There was no way I could get 2nd place in a mathematical contest. He started to push me early.

-You're not trying.

-I can't concentrate when I am in the testing room.

-You don't know what you are doing.

-I don't want to do math.

-You'll never become anything. Why don't you admit that you are an idiot? Stupid! All that brain going nowhere.

I was so young and  young. He made me feel like I was nothing. Even when I finally won a math contest, he would not even look at me. I was somewhat in awe of him. Mom said that he was the best at everything. He was the best professor. He was the best husband. He was the best Korean. He was the best. How did he look at me?

Now I was fifteen, trying to absorb what I could of THAT brain of his. Was it possible that our brains could somehow be connected? I ate and chewed the food and tried to understand what he was saying. MY father, whom I loved and hated deeply.