Patina

Gold cherry

By sid

Sat, 18 Apr 2015
  • 3198 reads
11 comments
 

'I was married, twice. The first had twins; they died at birth.'

He gave a last, loving push, with both thumbs 

slid his cigarette along his tongue, one end

to the other. 'It was for the best.'

The click of a lighter, a flourish of smoke.

A snarl as he picked a smidge of tobacco

from the tip of his tongue. 'The second one

is in the nut house. I seem to have that effect

on women.' He didn't bother to laugh.

Far away, a train, scraping the night. Calling out.

Put me in mind of the groans

that used to escape the barred windows

of the institution, in the pregnant heat of summer.

 

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by VeraClark on

Oh, this is loaded with madness and patriarchal oppression. All those women. Makes the heart hurt. So cleanly written.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I knew when I saw the name sid that it as going to be something good. Wasn't disappointed! Post more often please!

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Love the train scrapping the night, a discordant painful image.  It's the voices we don't hear that we think about.  So much in this small piece.

Submitted by EB on

Great the way you use the description of asides to move this along. Made all the more powerful by the greater part of the story being told between the lines. This is strikingly sharp writing that really packs a punch.

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day!

Get a great reading recommendation every day!

 

Submitted by scratch on

At last, something new from you.  Please don't delete it sid.
 

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

She can't delete it now it's been picked, that is The Law

 

Submitted by scratch on

Oh, yes.  I'd forgotten about that, insert.

 

Submitted by sid on

Wow thanks for reading and commenting everybody, and lovely to get pick of the day too! Nice to be back xxx

 

Submitted by Ed Crane on

Very interesting vignette of lfe. Terrific writing.

Ed

 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Seems real. Yeh the man is an A-hole. How did he get that way? If I listen to him and not the two women am I encouraging him? No wonder the narrator's attention shifts to the train which is also running on and on but without her buying a ticket and climbing on board! The title's good. It's the surface and Patina sounds a bit like Patient.