Depression

By Hourhouse

Thu, 13 Jun 2019
  • 765 reads
3 comments
 

Today, I'm not getting dressed.

Depression has come and wrapped her cold dark arms around me once again and drawn me close.

Depression has taken my marriage, my family, my kids, my career, and my happiness. Depression has stolen 19 years of my life, what's another day?

Not much longer to go and I can celebrate 25 lonely years since my 25 year marriage ended. Stupid of me to think I could just walk into another relationship, when I'm already fully committed to Depression. It's an abusive relationship.

Instead, I've turned into the weird, hairy, old recluse at the end of the road, with his overgrown garden, with his crumbling house full of treasured trash, dust, hair and mould, with his curtains closed because he can't get to them to open them.

The weird, solitary, grumpy old man, with no close friends or family, who rarely goes outside because he feels safer locked away inside his house and himself. The one who pushes people away because, if he lets them get in close, they will ultimately just open his old deep wounds and let Depression return as she has today.

The desperately unhappy, lonely old man with a shattered heart, who knows what a useless broken wreck he is and just sits out his days, waiting for death to end it all, so he can slide beneath the stormy sea into the peace and stillness of its depths, because there's no hope of rescue any more.

Certificate U
Non-fiction
Fragments of my heart
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is so sad to read. Hoping things look up if the sun (ever) decides to come out again and sending you a virtual hug won't help, but it's all I can think of xx

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Tony,

I don't know if you remember emailing me back in 2010. I was having trouble with my computer as I'm a bit of a geek when it comes to anything other than writing on abc tales.

But you wrote back and answered my call for help, even though you lived many miles away. I will never forget the kindness you showed me, even if it was just to let me know that you lived too far away to help. I held on to that email and loved hearing about your trip to Cornwall and your love of the Yorkshire Dales.

This is such sad news about your depression. You are a free spirit this I'm sure of. I really hope you can find help and like insert said, I really hope the sun shines for you again, in more ways than one.

Take care and I'm sending you some hugs too.

Jenny. xx

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

I am so sorry.  The fact that you can write, and write so effectively, about your situation must give hope that there is something in the future.  Please keep writing.