Tsk

Tsk (sometimes rendered Čšk, occasionally Tut, is the capital town on the south of the island of Bričabrač, formerly in the Split-Dalmatia County of Croatia, population 1,111 (2011). Bričabrač’s status currently is ambiguous, President-for-life Ivar Kraicjek is reportedly still in negotiations to enter the EU after UDI was declared on Easter Day in the Bosnovian Orthodox Church calendar, 2012. Negotiations have been stalled since the EU’s special envoy did not return from an official visit. Some say he is still looking for Tsk, or perhaps even Bričabrač.

 

Tsk

The smell of goat’s cheese,

wine with hints of creosote, turpentine and ugli fruit,

pretty women with moustaches,

strong men with strong opinions

and a makarov in three pockets, just in case.

 

The Bosnovian Church bells

ring unorthodox changes

chiming only on odd hours,

and ringing 13 at midnight.

 

**Otyets Zakomnij has a mistress

of whom his wife is very jealous

since she has the longer moustache.

 

The council meets in

the town hall on Friday morning,

if there is no gunfire -

or bloodshed - by sunset

they reconvene on Monday.

 

The first-born in every family

is called Boris,

even the girls.

 

Under the Ottoman Empire

most people moved to the caves

above Tsk, whenever a ship

was sighted on the horizon.

 

The Dragon Bridge near

the Maiden Square does

not cross a body of water

as Zoltan Budvar,

a second son,

was not sure

of his designs.

 

The architect died

when a stone from his bridge

was dislodged whilst

he inspected it

from underneath.

 

On dark winter nights,

Tsk-ans dance naked

round a fire made

of furniture and rags.

There is no cinema

on the island.

 

Good luck finding

Bričabrač and Tsk.

The locals say

‘Never look a gift horse

in the bush.’

Which may lose something

in translation.