Cooking

You never see it on TV.

None of the judges have it,

so it all tastes great -

or bad -

not metallic.

No one’s doing

The Hairless Bikers’ Best of British

(and you’ll need it),

The Great British Chemo Diet,

or Cancerchef.

No one would win.

Nothing beats the first food

they’ve enjoyed for a year;

not Ramsay, not Martin,

not Oliver, not Nigella, and no,

not even fucking Blumenthal.