The Cat Sat On the Mat

By luigi_pagano

Fri, 28 Feb 2020
  • 1240 reads
4 comments
 
“Stop pussyfooting around with that rodent and do some serious writing.”
 
“Rodent?”
 
“Yes, that thingamajig that you call the 'mouse'”.
 
In my study there is no room to swing a cat but now, in view of a sudden phantasmagoric apparition, I cannot ignore the elephant in the room.
 
I don't believe in ghosts but the disembodied voice that I am hearing is unmistakeably that of my dearly departed pussycat.
 
How can you tell, you may ask, did she talk to you when she was alive?
 
Well yes, in a manner of speaking. She was always nagging me – a typical trait of the species – and, in imperious tones she would order: feed me, open the door as I want to go out. Then would scratch the door to be let in if I didn't pay attention to her lugubrious wail. An absolute nightmare.
 
“All right, go on, stick the knife in”, she now interjects, “why don't you cat-alogue, all the cat-aclysms or cat-astrophe that I have caused?”
 
Either I am imagining all this or I'm going round the bend as I don't think my furry pet was a would-be comedian or a stammering feline.
 
I remember her as a fat, indolent moggy who lay on my laptop's keyboard or sat on the mouse mat most of the time, when indoor, so that I didn't have a cat's in hell chance to do any writing, serious or otherwise.
 
When outdoor, though, she was altogether different; a wild creature acting like the proverbial cat on hot bricks. She teased all the ardent suitors, playing a game of cat and mouse, challenging them.
“Cat-ch me if you can!”
 
“Now that you have let the cat out of the bag, you've ruined my reputation”. she grumbles, “I shall never live it down.”
 
“Live it?”, I exclaim, “Aren't you pushing up daisies?”, I add unkindly.
 
“Aren't you forgetting that we have nine lives?”, she says cattily.
 
“Ha ha! You intend to use your last one?”
 
My sarcasm goes down like a lead balloon.
 
“Oh yes. Cat-egorically.  

I believe that her mournful cat-erwauling is a cat-harsis for releasing her anger.

 
 
© Luigi Pagano 2020
Certificate U
Story
Just Stories
Surreal
Humour

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on

Ha. One for cat lovers definitely! I hope this piece is a cat-alyst for greater cat appreciation. Even though I found a beheaded rat on the doormat the other day left by my Henry VIII of a cat, I still love him. :)

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

My cat was very considerate; he did not bring his victims into the house but would meow at me to follow him outside to look at his hunting trophies.
Has your Henry VIII got the required six wives or has been cut off in his prime? cheeky

Luigi x
 

 

 

Submitted by onemorething on

He was cut off in his prime. It's a sensitive subject that we don't discuss at home. He has a very handsome boyfriend called George. He howls below George's bedroom window until he comes out to play with him. Romeo and Romeo, as it were. Rachel x

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Hhm, as they gaily purr-sue their relationship it may give other cats paws for thought: are they just good friends? wink

Cheers, Luigi x