School's Out(ish)!

Miss Smith tidied her hair, smoothed down her skirt and took a deep, cleansing breath, before entering the classroom.  This was going to be a difficult day.

It was the first day that the school had opened since the compulsory closure, as a consequence of the ongoing coronavirus epidemic, the previous week,.  This was not, of course, school as normal.  Instead, a small group of teachers had been asked to carry out what was, essentially, child-minding duties for those children of front-line key workers who had nowhere else to go.  Therefore, her primary school would be host to a wide range of age groups, from a variety of local schools, for the next few weeks.

On entering the classroom, she was pleased to see a face she recognised.  Prudence was sitting quietly at a table, reading.  She was sharing her table with a slightly older boy that Miss Smith didn’t recognise, but was obviously someone well known to Prudence as they were, impractically, attempting to wear the same scarf.

“Good morning, Prudence.  How nice to see you back here, today” Miss Smith beamed at her pupil.

“Good morning, Miss Smith” Prudence smiled, winsomely.

“I don’t think I know your friend, Prudence?  Won’t you introduce us?”

“Oh, this isn’t a friend, Miss Smith.  This is my brother, Peregrine”

“I’m very pleased to meet you, Peregrine.  I’ve heard a lot about you”

“’Lo” came the grudging reply from the head buried in a book spread out on the table.

“What book are you reading, Perry?”  Miss Smith felt that she ought to try, at least, to engage her new charge.

“It’s Peregrine, as in the raptor, not Perry as in sparkling pear juice” Peregrine surfaced from his book, “as to this book, I think it might help if I placed the matter into some context for you.  Last week, at home, I was reading Stephen Hawking’s ‘A Brief History of Time’.  A quite engrossing volume.” 

“Well, that’s…very interesting, Peregrine” Miss Smith volunteered, unsure of where this conversation was leading.

“Whilst here, at your educational establishment, I have something that rejoices under the title of ‘Big Ted Builds A Shed’.”  Peregrine held the book up so that the bright red cover, featuring an over-large teddy bear, was visible, “the title really says it all.  There is a teddy bear.  He is somewhat larger than the other animals in the story, hence his epithet.  He finds some wood and goes on to build a shed.  There are no, as you might say, twists and turns to the plot.  The only surprise is that the other animals spend the duration of the story wondering what Big Ted is going to build, when anyone with half a brain cell could see that it was always going to be a shed!” 

Peregrine held up the book at the relevant page, showing a large, amiable teddy bear, armed with a saw, standing proudly in front of the shed that he had built, whilst the other animals looked on in awe.

“Ah, yes, I’m afraid out little library is somewhat limited and focused on our typical age group” Miss Smith said, sympathetically.  “Perhaps there is something else you could do whilst you’re with us?  We have other resources”

“Do you have an I.T. Room?  Perhaps I could do some research on the internet?”  Peregrine asked, hopefully.

“I’m sorry, our P.C. network is currently out of action.  We are waiting on Mr. Carter, our site technician, to come and sort it out for us but I’m afraid he’s put his back out and won’t be available for some time”

“Peregrine could sort if for you, Miss!”  Prudence offered, enthusiastically, “he knows all about computers and stuff.  He’s hacked the Pentagon!”

“He’s done what?” Miss Smith was aghast.

“My sister is indulging in a little theatricality” Peregrine glared at Prudence, who smirked, “Hacking, I think, is such a pejorative term.  I prefer ‘accessed’.  I accessed the network at our local Pentagon garage to see if father’s car had passed its M.O.T.”

“Oh, well, I suppose that’s not quite as bad…”  Miss Smith began, doubtfully.

“I do, however, have a working knowledge of network architecture and I would be happy to see if I could restore your connectivity.  The further adventures of Big Ted and his constructional capabilities can always wait until another day” Peregrine smiled, winningly.

“Well, if you’re quite sure?”  Miss Smith ventured, not sure at all that this was the wisest thing to do.

“It would be my pleasure” Peregrine confirmed, a little too eagerly for Miss Smith’s liking.

For the next few hours, Miss Smith was pleased to see that Peregrine was engrossed in the I.T. Room, with Prudence loyally at his side, albeit by necessity, because of the scarf.  Her pleasure at seeing him occupied was somewhat tainted by her concern about what he might, actually, be up to.

“Everything ok, Peregrine?”  She asked, cautiously, poking her head around the door.

“Fine, Miss Smith, thank you” Peregrine responded, staring intently at his screen.

“It will be lunch in a little while” Miss Smith offered, helpfully.

“What have we got today, Miss?”  Prudence asked.

“I think it’s Sausage and Mash, Pru.  I’m afraid we’re at the mercy of the district catering unit, as our own in-house facility has been stood-down in the current crisis”

“Oh” Prudence responded, sadly.

“Prudence has a certain antipathy to mashed potato” Peregrine explained.

“Oh well, needs must eh?” Miss Smith responded with forced jollity, before quickly making her escape.

“Don’t worry, Pru, I’ll see what I can do” Peregrine grinned at his forlorn sister.

At lunchtime, Miss Smith was surprised to find that the offering was, in fact, Recettes de Thermidor aux fruits de mer à Cape Cod followed by Crêpe Suzette.  Prudence tucked into this with great gusto and the other children seemed pretty pleased too.  Miss Smith couldn’t shake the nasty feeling that there was something seriously wrong here, and that, somewhere along the line, somebody was going to be asked to pay for it.  Her concerned train of thought was abruptly halted when there was a tap on her shoulder.

“Miss Smith, have you seen the Head about at all?”  It was Julie from Reception, she looked very worried.

“I’m sorry, Julie, I haven’t seen her for a while.  Can I help at all?”

“Well, it’s just that there’s two American gentlemen in suits and dark glasses at the main entrance.  They say it’s rather urgent! Apparently, they’re from the Central Indigence Agency” Julie was twisting the sleeve of her cardigan into tight little knots as she spoke.

“I think you may mean the Central Intelligence Agency, I’ll come at once, Julie.”  Miss Smith responded, and then turned to notice that two children, joined by a scarf, were sliding out through the kitchen, by the serving hatch.

“PEREGRINE!” She yelled.

Peregrine’s face appeared around the door.  “You bellowed, Miss Smith?”  He enquired, innocently.

“Peregrine, Prudence, I think we need a little chat” Miss Smith said with all the calm she could muster.

“If it’s in relation to Big Ted and his Shed, I promise not to reveal the surprise ending to anyone else” Peregrine responded, solemnly.

“It has nothing to do with Big Ted.  It does, however, have to do with the Big Apple.  Come with me, Peregrine, you can do your bit to re-establish transatlantic relations”

Peregrine plodded glumly in Miss Smith’s wake.  Prudence, on the other hand, wisely unwound the scarf and went to get a second helping of Crêpe Suzette.

 

You can find this, and a lot more in the same vein, in the new book 'A Dubious Undertaking and other stories'