10th july grasshopper

Cherry

By Di_Hard

Fri, 10 Jul 2020
  • 4292 reads
19 comments
 

mossy rocks tumbled from windbreak wall

hold back reed tines' reaching  on and on

to moor's distance misty bright of gorse

 

here, in warm air, low harboured, still,  sound

like faint mechanical maraccas

signals a grasshopper's lonely heart

 

while a hoverfly seems drawn to match

yellow stripes with sunny tormentil

flowers dainty in short, curving grass

  

as, moving commas in the silence

ants search for meaning up every rise

and so weave their part in the pattern

 

 

 

 

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Penny4athought on

Ants like moving commas..mechanical maraccas-the grasshoppers lonley heart ...this made me smile it was a unique perspective. I liked the view from the lowest occupants of the land.

Penny4athought

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou so much  Penny for your lovely comment

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Penny4 says everything necessary about this wonderful piece - thank you Di. Your nature poems this summer/spring are quite spectacular!

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Insert, that is very kind!

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

you draw the eyes from the scene stretching into the distance to the insects busy in the nearby, and a sense of quiet and restful pause, watching. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for saying that Rhiannon, is what was trying to do, thankyou :0)

 

Submitted by Leander42 on

 

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Beautiful, Di. Lovely imagery and loved the ant punctuation and lovelorn grasshoppers too. 

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou Rachel, am glad you liked those bits

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

Very present in your observations, I would like to be this present... faint mechanical maraccas and ants/moving commas are diamonds that leap out. I liked 'searched for meaning up every rise ', I suppose everything you do is imbued with/creating meaning, so I suppose they are within their world, and that is reassuring... sparkling work as ever

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

your comments are always so kind, thankyou!  I tried sending some stuff off, again, and it got rejected, again (I don't have a voice) but you you have cheered me right up :0)

 

Submitted by Stephen Thom on

High five for putting your work out there though! You have a unique voice. yesyes  I haven't submitted anything for a few years, I think finding the right places to try was a big part of it, everybody looking for different things... used to make spreadsheets to work through for potential submissions, do the same for music stuff, let me know if you want me to make you a spreadsheet, I enjoy it! smiley

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

:0) Thankyou! That IS  professional!!!

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hello Di,

can't believe I missed this delightful poem. You give the grasshopper a personality with the lines:-

here, in warm air, low harboured, still, sound

like faint mechanical maraccas

signals a grasshopper's lonely heart

I could imagine the grasshopper singing its heart out to the hoverfly and ants as they go about their business.

I also loved the description of ants looking like moving commas, what a great metaphore.

Sorry I'm late to your lovely poem which I've only just found.

Jenny.

 

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

It's always such a boost to read your very kind comments Jenny, thankyou! I hope you are well and going for a lovely walk this weekend

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Hi Di.

In terms of scanning, "mechanical maracas signal"? Adverbs in verse tend to weaken the effect. Maybe.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Struggled with this. Signal seemed less clunky than show, also signals can be sounds? Perhaps a comma would help. Though wary of using punctuation incase it's like salt to disguising rotten food

 

Submitted by Parson Thru on

ants, searching for something (is "meaning" stretching credulity?) maybe delete "and so"?

Lovely observation and idea. Excuse my rude intrusion. ;)

Parson Thru

Submitted by Di_Hard on

meaning did start of as  "a path" and "a way" but that didn't fit with pattern, then thought the ants are trying to make sense of their environment, through their senses? And that seemed like the same as meaning?

Thankyou SO MUCH  for your input. The first poem is one of those that come out as if someone else is dictating, and I am not sure how much that sort should be changed, and the second one took 4 days with LOTS  of trying (including battling with the cat who kept deleting it and explaining to my son who kept asking why I was trying to write about glaciers) When posted the second one in the middle of the night (cat had gone mousing by then) I felt happy with it, then the next day it seemed clangy. But it took SO LONG  don't want to give up on it :0)

I hope you are well? Your writing gets more assured everything I read.