pool, october

Cherry

By Di_Hard

Mon, 19 Oct 2020
  • 1492 reads
8 comments
 

light-leap ripples make laughter lines tickle
snake swooping willow bough's moss green crossing
bright, gold leaf lined pool below, where rain, held
fulfills clay's dipping promise with coiled cold
then ~ tips ~ into a stir of sequin sounds
as sly fingers flick pale rocks smooth, sleek them
dark, till they spill, sea pulled, down step cliffs, through
woods soft weft with whispers of far falling

Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

There are some intriguing thoughts packed in there, Di. You haven't destroyed the other version have you? You may want to merge them sometime. I rather wanted to compare and contrast! I was surprised at so much change, I think. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for reading this one Rhiannon. I could put the original one with this.

 

Submitted by onemorething on

I love the two together actually, I like the contrast and the use of language is a treat to read. I hugged a tree yesterday, much to my friend's horror - I wanted to see if it helped, it did a bit, though I could have done without the scorn! Anyway, I love this. Rachel :)

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Sure people think think I am a tree hugger. They look around for a dog, and I say I don't have one they wonder "What's she doing in the woods then?"

Hard to listen to a tree with someone else there.

am definition of bark ing mad...

Thankyou so much for the cherries, MUCH  appreciated.

Tell your tree about all the wonderful tree poems you have written, ask it for a new one,

 

 

 

 

Submitted by penguin on

I think you've improved it. Bit too fond of hyphenated phrases, but I liked coiled cold and sequin sounds very much. 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Thankyou for taking the time to read and make such helpful comment Penguin, greatly appreciated
 

 

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

Hello Di. I was a bit confused as to which one is the original version people mentioned but I assume they referred to the top one. That is my preference. Much more lyrical and poetical in the humble opinion of someone who doesn't hug trees, I am ashamed to say. blush

Kind regards, Luigi x

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Luigi it is lovely to hear from you, thankyou for reading this. Sorry to be confusing. I hope you are well?

The shorter version is the first one, sort of like a sketch I guess. So am very interested and glad you prefer the longer version, thankyou so much for letting me know!

I always imagine you to be elegantly dressed, not at all the sort of person to be all covered in moss and lichen and caterpillers from hugging trees :0)