Notes by Menelaus on Helen’s Abduction

Gold cherry

By bhi

Fri, 30 Jul 2021
  • 3572 reads
18 comments
 

 

I was in Sainsbury’s,

the one opposite Brent Cross,

a cherished food hall for my Greek neighbours,   

between aisles seven and eight -

Chilled Foods and Newspapers and Magazines -

stocking up on feta and tiramisu

for the speed dating party

when you called  - “number unknown”

flashed up on my phone – saying you wanted

to hear my voice, was missing me,

though you’d only been gone a week,

but I could hear him behind you,

his hands travelling the slopes

so familiar to mine.

I do not care which god has his back;

does he think he can steal you away,

this bastard birth who should have died,

but now struts a purpled Trojan prince

at the wheel of a pimped BMW?

Pass my words onto him;

I swear I will fuck him up,

him and his in distant Hisarlik,

their bones left bleaching on the beach

for the white crows to divine the paths

the gods have scripted us into already.

Tell him he will not know love for long.

Certificate 15
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Kilb50 on

I enjoyed the anachronisms in this - Menelaus stocking up on feta and tiramisu for a speed-dating party made me laugh. Men fighting over women, the root of all Western Literature, as somebody once said. Great read.

 

Submitted by bhi on

K, I first wrote this a an Homeric way, then said "sod this" and set it in Brent Cross. I think it travels well!

Totally agree about the root of Western Literature.

 

 

Submitted by Hydra on

I agree wholeheartedly with with Kilb50 about the poem, but I couldn't help noticing the title. Helen wasn't abducted. She was in cahoots with Paris all along. When the Trojans argued for sending her back, both she and Paris refused. Which is a good thing really. If she'd gone back to Greece there'd be no Illiad, and with no Illiad there'd be no Odyssey. Although she did go back to Menelaus after Troy was sacked.

Submitted by bhi on

Thanks for reading and the feedback, S, and glad you enjoyed it. There are various readings on what happened to and with Helen, and this variation suited the theme that I'm building; I have perspectives from Paris, Helen and finally Achilles as part of this mini series. 

 

Submitted by marandina on

Purpled Trojan princes driving pimped BMWs. I really should read up on the historical inference in this poem. Certainly entertaining and, I imagine, cleverly done. Great stuff!

 

Submitted by bhi on

M, I thought it about time the story was brought up to date!

 

Submitted by onemorething on

Excellent poem. :)

 

Submitted by bhi on

Thank you, OMT. Your reading and comments are always appreciated. Trust you are keeping safe and well.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Really enjoyed this one - thank you!

 

Submitted by bhi on

Insert....... I enjoyed writing it, and glad that that enjoyment carries on for the readers. Appreciate your feedback.

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

This is great! Wonderful rethinking of the legend. 

Submitted by bhi on

Hi Airy, glad you liked it. I was thinking about the setting for a while, whether to adopt a grand Homeric tone or not, and then an incident in Brent Cross sprang to mind and that was that.

 

Submitted by rosaliekempthorne on

Attention-getting title; and I like the modern voice that Menalaus has here. This blends the modern-day into the suggestion of the legend, whilst all the time feeling natural reading smoothly.

Submitted by airyfairy on

This is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day! Please do share/retweet if you enjoy it too.

Picture: Pixabay Creative Commons

Submitted by Di_Hard on

There is such a feeling of snarling sensuality in this poem! Frustrated strength covering fragility. I thought the voice was brilliant, am really looking forward to the next pieces, and how you weave them together. ps loved the Greek neighbours and tiramisu bit, funny and sharp contemporising

 

Submitted by bhi on

Di, that is a great reading! I had wanted to let Menelaus vent his anger at losing Helen while remembering the sensuality of their relationship, and then there is the sense of a loss that he could not prevent. Thank you so much for the comments.

 

Submitted by Ross_Lowe on

Terrific poem, well done and thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed the anger building throughout, from brooding moodiness to violence. Really good stuff.

 

Submitted by bhi on

Thanks, Ross, I tried to put myself into his head, but if we can keep this between ourselves, there's a little bit of personal experience woven into the poem!