Gutted Like a Fish

Gutted Like a Fish

 

‘It was absolutely suffocating, the air around the enclosed space I was in was hot and humid. I wasn’t hot though, I felt cold. So cold. I was starting to have a hard time breathing, and my back was sore. A shiver ran up my spine as I tried to recall what happened before I was caught up in this situation. A sickening feeling stuck in the back of my mind that this has happened to me before, whether or not I remember it.

 

I reached around me, to find out what trapped me in. I was laying on my back, and I felt a hard surface on my fingertips. Was that wood? The grooves in the wood gave me a splinter in my finger, making me yelp in pain. The smell of wood filled my nostrils. The only sound was my hard breathing

 

I pushed up against the enclosurement, it didn’t budge. Kicking above me wildly, the wood surface above me shattered and cracked. What was above me wasn’t freedom, but layers upon layers of soil. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t. I kept my mouth sealed while shoveling my way out with my bare hands. Any normal person would have suffocated by now, but it was like breathing wasn’t even a necessity anymore. My nails bled from digging and had dirt caked underneath them. I finally stuck my hand forward once more to feel a gentle breeze. The surface.

 

Laying on the surface of the Earth at last, I layed on the green grass as it tickled the side of my face. Putting a trembling hand on my heart, I tried to search for at least a sign of a faint heartbeat. I found nothing. Not a single beat. How am I even alive?

 

I covered my hands over my face in shock. This was not possible. If I was dead, I wouldn’t be here right now. Moving. Breathing. Scratch that, I don’t even think I’m even breathing.

 

My soul gripped onto fear, holding onto it for dear life. It was like I was dreaming, but I was still in the present time. I just can’t comprehend what is happening. I can’t accept it. A female voice rang inside my head. And that’s when my whole sense of reality shattered into a million pieces.

 

I launched myself upward from the vivid nightmare I experienced, knocking heads with someone.. We both groaned, rubbing our heads. Pain throbbed on the middle of my forehead, making my eyes water. I looked up to see Alex holding his face in pain.

 

“Ouch! Man, you have a hard head!” Alex called out.

 

I grimaced, “I’m sor-OH!”

Thick blood started going down Alex’s face, dripping down his chin. He gave me a weird look, but then took notice of the blood currently coming out of his nose. He took a finger and touched below his nostril and looked at it. 

 

“Huh..” Was all he said, then rushed downstairs. I sat there contemplating if I should follow him, but he quickly came back with a ball of toilet paper pressed against his nose.

 

“Well...that was unexpected. Anyways, the reason why I woke you up wasn’t to bother your beauty sleep. I got the mask, finally. If you ever have to go outside for whatever reason, make sure you wear this. We don’t want a dead Yuri on our hands, now do we?”

 

He handed me the mask. The mask’s material felt rough, yet smooth. Thankfully, there were no goopy tears coming out of it. I personally don’t want to know what it even is. I placed the mask down on the bed gently, still unnerved about the thought of wearing it. The image of the other me popped in my head immediately, making me shiver. Hopefully I will never have to experience that feeling of feeling so...trapped. So hopeless. I tried to shake that thought out of my head as I looked at Alex and gave him a thumbs up.

 

“Okay then, we got that settled. We have some things to do today. Get ready and meet me in the living room.”

 

He left the spare room and gave me my privacy, letting the door shut carefully behind him. I quickly put on my shoes that I slid off the night before and headed downstairs. I really hope that whatever we’re doing today won’t involve me wanting to tear out every one of my nerves. The thing that’s really bugging me is that Alex just seems so calm about everything, like nothing is wrong. Obviously, that’s the total opposite of what’s actually happening. Even if I currently have amnesia, I remember enough to know people wearing masks and them having goopy tears coming out of their eyes is NOT normal. And also seeing my apparent evil twin still makes me wanna hide in the darkest available corner I can get. 

 

Alex sat on the matted down couch, swinging his legs back and forth while fidgeting with something in his hand. I walked into the room and Alex immediately turned to me and smiled. I wrung my hands nervously anticipating what's to come. Alex sat up and spoke.

 

“Put your mask on, we’re going on an adventure through the woods today.”

 

Alex slapped his mask on then I followed as well. He opened the door and led me out of the town, not that I didn’t know where I was going. Something told me that he wasn’t leading me just to direct me on where to go...to make sure nothing happens to me. My imagination grabbed hold of the image of the townsfolk grabbing me with their boney, pale hands. I subconsciously made myself walk a notch faster. 

 

We walked in silence. To my surprise, it wasn’t a painful type of silence, it was comforting. Like nothing is wrong and we’re just a pair of friends going on a five minute stroll into the forest. The sound of leaves crunching under our feet seemed to echo around us, and I eased up the closer we got to the forest. I felt safe in the forest, or safer than I feel in the town, surrounded by maniacs. I found it soothing that there is at least a somewhat safe place for me to hide other than Alex’s. Yeah, his house is safe, but I never felt that it was safe. I was one edge. But the story is different when it comes to the forest, it’s like I feel some sort of connection there. 

 

We stopped, or well, Alex did. I almost ran straight into him. It took me a moment to realize that I haven’t been to this part of the forest before, not that I had the time to explore it myself, unfortunately. Something about it was different, the path we were currently on faded away into the soil and a considerably massive blossom tree stood in front of us. The flowers on the tree vary in several different colors. Red, blue, purple, black, you name it. I had a hard time processing that the thing I saw in front of me was real, and not a figment of my imagination. There were bird houses strung on the branches and different colored apples hung from the branches too…

 

Apples?

 

“I had the same reaction as you when I saw apples on a blossom tree. Not normal, but this tree isn’t just any ordinary tree, which explains the apples I suppose. Oh, uh, don’t try eating them. I don’t know if they’re like normal apples or not so I wouldn’t try. Buuuut, that’s not all I wanted to show you. Come on, let's go!”

 

Alex jogged in the direction of the tree and I followed. From there it was like I was in heaven. I saw different types of creatures I didn’t think were real, like there was this deer that had wings attached to its back. There was this river that was a golden color, and a place that had books upon books stacked as far as my eye can see. For a moment ever since I woke up into this nightmare, I felt joy. But I knew it wouldn’t last long. It never does. 

 

“Um...why did you take me here exactly?” I surprised myself, not hearing myself stutter once. 

 

Alex stopped for a moment and glanced at me. He stood there, in thought, and came to his final conclusion.

 

“Because I felt like it was important. For you, and even for me. Not to sound ominous or anything, but a lot of stuff is about to happen in the future. Mostly not good things. I don’t think sugarcoating things are going to make things better, so I’m saying things how it is. We’re going to get separated at one point, but we will get back together again, that I can tell you. I’m really sorry for everything that has happened and is about to happen. Something bad happened. The truth is going to be painful, and you will want to give up, but I believe you can do it. So there it is. I REALLY am getting tired of myself acting like I’m some sort of clairvoyant, so I’m going to shut up now.”

 

I smiled at him, and he smiled back. The warm moment didn’t last very long when I sucked in the words he told me. My smile immediately dropped.

 

“What do you mean by something bad is going to happen? When?”

 

Alex sighed and scratched the back of his head “Now that, I can’t tell you. I’m sorry. I really am. But I feel like it’ll be better for the both of us if I don’t say anything. Do you understand where I am coming from? Do you trust me, Yuri?”

 

I studied his face. From the very minimal time I’ve known Alex, I've been close to him. We’ve become good friends. I have become comfortable around him faster than I have with other people, or at least that’s what my gut tells me.  I have a natural nick at reading people and trusting my instincts on people as well. Right now, I can tell he is really trying to do what's best for me, and is being brutally honest. That’s all the information that I needed to know. 

 

I nodded at him. He patted my head and spoke once more.

 

“We probably should head back before we decide to never leave.”

 

And with that we headed back to that horrible town. I don’t ever want to go back there, but I have to. I wouldn’t survive out in this forest. The dread in the pit of my stomach has gotten stronger throughout today, and it makes me sick. It’s like something bad is going to happen, and it’s steadily approaching. Of course, I now heard Alex’s “I am the seerer of all” speech, I felt worse. I just hoped my gut was betraying me for at least this one time.

 

We made it back safely to the town. My nerves haven’t gotten better, and even Alex seemed on edge. Even if he tried to hide it. We started to walk back to the house. I snapped out of my train of thought when I realized Alex wasn’t in front of me. Or behind me. Or anywhere in sight. This can’t be happening, not again. Not the people.

 

I weaved through the thick crowds of people in search of my friend, but found nothing. I could feel myself starting the beginning course of a mental breakdown. I hate it. I hate it all.

 

I thought everything was going okay, and nothing could be possibly worse, that I could somehow find myself in a somewhat normal life in this mess. I suppose it was me being a fool into thinking nothing could get worse, it always does.

 

I tried to head back to the forest, the only safe place for me now. I have no idea where Alex’s house is, and don’t want to stay here longer than I have to. 

 

It wasn’t that simple. I could feel shockingly cold hands grab the back of my neck and slam me onto the ground, making me see stars. This can’t be happening. I’m going to die at this rate. I looked up to see who pulled me down and the whole world stopped in that instant. It was evil me, right there in the flesh. She grinned at me wickedly.

 

“I found you”.

 

Those three words made me start to kick myself away, desperately, but evil me wasn’t letting that fly. She disappeared and was behind me in a blink of an eye. She continued to use her foot to shove my face into the ground by my throat, while her other foot pressed painfully into my stomach. Crowds of people surrounded us and whispered. I refuse to believe this. Alex will come for me. He will. 

 

Will he?

 

“Your friend Alex won’t be coming for you, he abandoned you. How does that feel, Yuri? Does it hurt? To be betrayed?”

 

She proceeded to mock me by pouting and fake crying. The crowd of townsfolk howled, like they’ve never heard a joke before. My lips wouldn’t open, the only movement they did was quiver in fear. My body couldn’t move. The coldness that I felt in my dream faintly came back, but as quick as it came, it was gone. 

 

I didn’t get the time to process what she was about to do next. She took me by the neck and raised me up for everyone to see. I went on a frenzy trying to pull her hands away from my neck. But in the end, I was too weak, and she was too strong. I could already see black dots cloud my vision. I can’t do it. I can’t. The faint words of Alex telling me not to give up pushed in the back of my mind, but I pushed it away. There’s no way.

 

The crowd around me cheered as the evil me lifted up something, but I couldn’t see what due to the tears impairing my vision. My heart beat faster as I tried to get oxygen in my lungs. The next thing I felt was pure pain in my abdomen, and feeling something slide out of my stomach. I felt nothing afterwards. I almost didn’t realize I was choking on my own blood. It's too late now. It’s over.

 

Before everything went black, one thought crossed my mind. Alex.