Leaving The Nest
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By skinner_jennifer
- 1480 reads
This is a poem inspired by Kilb50's story:
The Castle, about a young girl named Elowen.
Such hankering memories when
leaving home, embarking on
journey all alone; venturesome
views come back to Elowen of
forest paths she's traveled on.
In full bloom but fearing blame,
her grandmother lay dying; left
so much pain. Energy needed
for her escape, hunger was like
a determined bird; eager to leave
nest she'd pay her debt and make
things right.
journeying towards the ocean blue;
an intrepid fearless Peregrine she
flew, a hunter like this bird of prey;
with sling in hand rabbit would slay.
On waves of air without pause to
rest, hoping to soar into lighter
places...but no water here was fresh
as honeydew summers, to enlighten
days and bathe the flesh.
Fate took this girl into danger, like
waves traversing rocks; where
crevices cribbed world of crabs and
barnacles. Elowen wondered what
part she'd play within castle walls
in fishing bay,
for this girl's only world so torn
apart, endeavours to cleansing
spirit, maybe a rippling tune of
water pouring from rock pools
to heal her heart.
She searched old places of historic
wisdom, and tasted parched salty
air, that leaves this girl a heroine;
drowsy as a new born, plunged into
a world of adventure and despair.
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Comments
Your poem tells an
Your poem tells an interesting story, Jenny. I like the format and it's full of your excellent use of phrasing etc. There are many better placed than me to give constructive critism but I certainly enjoyed your poem. Paul :)
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Kilb has created such a
Kilb has created such a wonderful character in Elowen hasn't he? This is just the kind of thing I had in mind when I wrote this week's Inspiration Point - thank you - and I'm sure Kilb will be very flattered that he sparked it off
one small suggestion - I don't think hi jinks sounds quite right - perhaps something like adventure instead?
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You have a wonderful stirring
You have a wonderful stirring rhythm and create a romantic sense of adventure. Only, at the end, you call her victim and I think of her as heroine?
It's a great accompaninment to the original story!
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A very imaginative
A very imaginative interpretation of a romantic scenario, Jenny, full of flair and rhythm.
Luigi xx
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yes, the mystery deepens. You
yes, the mystery deepens. You've captured it well.
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Jenny - I really enjoyed
Jenny - I really enjoyed reading this, particularly the tone and rhythms of your poem which, as Di & luigi have pointed out, evoke a certain idea of romantic adventure. In fact, your poem opens up new insights into Elowen and the landscape she inhabits. Crevices cribbed crabs...the idea of her as an intrepid fearless Peregrine...Fate, like waves traversing rocks...and high jinks also is appropriate in its way, as there are lighter adventures to come. Thanks for writing this, Jenny! All the best to you.
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I love the element of
I love the element of folklore in this; nature intertwined with adventure, constant peril, all driven by the froces which spring from childhood experiences. The name Elowen is so beautiful.
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