104!

By Rhiannonw

Mon, 21 Aug 2023
  • 3663 reads
16 comments
 

She’s failing now, much more gaunt,
but still some communication
and happy – happier than years ago,
most of her life –
but waiting.

We think she’d like a present,
– but what?
flowers of course, and?
she doesn’t look at things around her very much,
so not another book of clouds, aeroplanes,
or cat/dog photo cushion
maybe a scarf?
can’t get in time
not sure she’d look at it much.

What about this?
She loved horses
never ridden, just talk across the gate,
used to talk warmly about the milk-cart horse
she used to see when she was ?8 (1927).
She really loved that 75p pug years ago*
This will be a bit more expensive,
but she may well enjoy the 
cuddly, soft feel 
of it on her lap,
tactile.

*https://www.abctales.com/story/rhiannonw/new-life-hot-water-bottle-cover

[cake made by the Home chef, thank you!]

Certificate U
Poem
Families
Love
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by airyfairy on

So much love and thought obviously went into this present, Rhiannon. I hope she got pleasure out of it.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

thank you. I was just thankful to think of it. She gradually seemed to understand and be feeling it, and enjoying the feel and the thoughts it brought of horses! She enjoyed the violin leading us in 'Happy Birthday', and playing some songs she knew and hymns, as did other residents, and the great-grandchildren being around. Conversation is not always understandable, but quite a bit is, and the love and thankfulness. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

That is a very good idea, and it seems (from your pics) to have gone down very well - well done for thinking of it! There are some organisations which organise visits from animals to care homes - not just dogs, chickens etc but horses and I have even see llamas do a visit! Do you think she might enjoy that kind of thing Rhiannon? A very happy birthday to your Mother-in-Law!

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. They do have a very good 'activities' lady in the home, and she has done quite a lot with animals coming in I think. Mum (In-aw) isn't probably able to appreciate much beyond the close now, and that's why we realised she does like probably having something to fiddle with on her lap. I think they have had someone coming in with owls or birds of prey too! It is a very good and happy home, which I think points to good management and happy staff! They do seem to find Mum very appreciative. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

That is a really good idea for a present! And your cake looks fabulous! How wonderful to have a caring care home, and for your son to be able to entertain all the people there and make a proper celebration, with your grandchildren too

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. It was a happy time, though obviously bitter-sweet a little as her facutlies fail. But seeing how she has come to know more peace in mind and soul in these last years, makes you realise there are reasons why some are left to live longer! Also good that the little children were able to relate to her as she is - and entertain some of the other residents! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Turlough on

I love this Rhiannon, though it saddens me.

You've reminded me of the dear elderly people I used to visit when I was working, particularly those living in care homes. They had no desire to receive presents. What brought them happiness was a calm voice, a friendly smile or even a gentle stroke of their hand... or something they could give their love to, such a soft toy. To them these creatures were alive. You've brought back so many memories. 

Turlough

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. Where sight and hearing are limited, the sense of touch is satisfying and 'grounding' to reality, and the comfort of 'where I am'. And the stroking, and gentle hugging mean a lot. It's not always easy to get the mean between being irritatingly too light, or too heavy in stroking!, especially with someone who has always been a bit 'touchy' about it! I had always found mother-in-law withdrawn and not encouraging hugs. But in these latter years I realised how much her difficulties of early life and marriage had rather caused that, and actually wanted me to take the plunge and hug! (gently!). For a while during covid of course, hugs were not permitted, but wonderfully the staff knew only they could and did so, to fill in the gap! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Turlough on

Of course Rhiannon. Good on you and the staff for getting it right,

It takes time to assess what might be the best approach. Many of the people I saw were victims of dementia and sometimes quite aggressive. I had to weigh up each of them individually so that I could carry out my work without distressing them. If I didn't distress them I considered my visit a success. If I made them smile it warmed my heart for the rest of the day. There's something really special about a smile from someone who has almost nothing to smile about.  

Turlough

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

What an achievement to reach 104. I hope I get to live to that age. She sounds quite contented and it must be wonderful to celebrate this occasion with you. It's always difficult to get presents for anyone, leave alone someone of her age. I bet she'll love the cuddly horse, and being able to share those memories with loved ones who will listen is even better.

Wishing her a Happy Birthday and another year of contentment.

Best wishes,

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you, Jenny. Her appreciation of her surroundings is getting very limited now, but it is lovely to have her so contented (though sometimes wanting the Lord to take her now), and so much more so than in earlier years.              Rhiannon

 

Submitted by marandina on

"...and happy, happier than years ago.."

A reflective poem full of emotion, love and caring, Rhiannon. I agree that those pics are wonderful. That's a remarkable age. Definitely worth a family celebration. May her twilight years be filled with joy. Paul 

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Thank you. We've just called up to see if her flowers needed repotting, but staff have done it, and she was fast asleep, having had her hair washed! they have arranged things so carefully and nicely in her room, but she doesn't notice a lot now, and as 'horse' had been left on the shelf, I brought it down, and encouraged them that she may like something on her lap nowadays, to stroke and finger, when awake! Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Tom Brown on

When I see old people like that I want to take a little dictating  machine and ask to tell me of "those days". I did record my late Uncle Nolan like that. My dad taped my afrikaans great grandfather Eustace Steyn like that he was a child in the Boer war had incredible stories even survived the British consetration camps. Some brother had escaped from the British many times even St Helena.

See you! Tom

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

How interesting.

Eleanor is too old to do that now, but when she first went into the home, she talked of many things we hadn't heard about, and actually it was really useful, because later on she would get bothered about some things from her past and by then I knew enough to be able to reassure her.

My mother wrote some things down for me, but after she'd died, I did with I'd made more notes and asked her more questions about her family's stories.

My sister used one of those dicating machines, but not for family, it was part of her research to record and analyse the differences of dialects in the Welsh farms before the differences were lost as the elderly people died. Rhiannon

 

 

Submitted by Tom Brown on

good