How to write a short story

Terrence Oblong is it? He’s fat isn’t he. I wasn’t expecting him to be fat. Didn’t he used to write about running? I guess they must have been written a long time ago.

He’s boiling a kettle, putting a tea bag in a mug and pouring some water into the mug.

Am I watching the right video? It say’s it’s how to write a short story – a real life example.

Okay, he’s made the tea. Now he sits at the computer. It’s a Word file. A blank screen. No fancy software to prompt and aid him. He’s looking at the screen. Now he takes a slip of tea. Still looking at the screen.

Ah, he’s finally typing. Touch typing. He’s actually quite fast. ‘Writing in Action’. Now he’s stopped. He’s staring at the screen again.

Now he’s deleted everything.

He’s writing again. ‘How to write a short story’.

The title. He’s literally taken 20 minutes to write the title. I could have told him the title.

Where’s he going now. He’s just wandered off.

The toilet. He’s going to the toilet. I’m not watching this. I’ll fast forward.

He’s taking ages. I’ll fast forward some more.

He seems to be doing a Sodoku puzzle, that’s why he’s taking so long.

Ah finally. He’s washing his hands. Thank god, I wouldn’t want it to be a dirty story he’s writing.

At last. Back to the computer. He can type very fast. 70wpm I’d guess. He doesn’t  though. He just sits there, staring at the screen.

He got a biscuit, which he’s dunking in the tea. Where did that come from.

Now he’s got an old notebook with scribbling in it. He’s typing up what’s written in the notebook. That’s not really how to write a short story is it. Have story in your notebook and type it up.  He’s taking his time though, for a 70 wpm copy typist he’s very slow, especially as he’s just typing up from a notebook.

How long is this video?  Shit. 4 days, 3 hours and 27 minutes.

Four days of mooching around the house in tracksuit bottoms, staring at the screen, drinking tea and coffee and very occasionally typing a few words.

I should switch this off, do something more useful with my time, but I can’t. there something fascinating about Terrence scratching his arse, sipping coffee and staring at the computer screen. I just can’t stop watching.