Can Life Get Better?

By skinner_jennifer

Tue, 03 Sep 2024
  • 735 reads
14 comments
 

Dear diary...This is the most awful period of my life. It's been an up hill struggle with all my health problems and no end in sight. I try to keep smiling, but every part of my body is being worn down having no way to break the chain of events since June. The only time I've been out and about is when I'm driven from home to hospital, with maybe a quick trip to the shop with a walking stick when I get desperate for important items that my partner doesn't know where to find.

Having previously had an x ray on my hip on Wednesday 7th August 2024, I found out from the consultant there was arthritis in the right hip, but he wanted to check that there wasn't a problem coming from my spine, as agonizing back pain was also a problem, as well as the knee.

An appointment was made for an MRI Scan on my lumber region and pelvis. So it was back to the hospital on Friday 16th August. Appointment was for 10.30am, but the hospital informed me to arrive at 10.15am. To be quite sure I arrived on time I left much earlier and presented myself at the reception at 10.am. Much to my surprise I was asked through to the MRI Department straight away.

I was met by a nurse who took me to this room no bigger than a cupboard with mirror, bench, and hooks on the wall to hang a coat. I was asked to remove any metal objects. So after removing my earrings and bra, I was ready to enter the big white room.

It was like entering a clinical twilight zone with its white wash walls and in the middle of the room was a moving table with a special elevated pillow and disposable sheet, which awaited me. One of the nurses told me to remove my glasses and firstly sit on the bed. I hoisted myself up with a pained expression on my face due to pain and tenderness in my hip, back and knee.

I was given ear plugs to keep out the noise, which I didn't have a clue about, then given headphones and asked what music I enjoyed, “Classical would be my choice,” I replied. Next I was told to lay down with my arms across my chest. Two nurses then attached a magnetic plate across my stomach, they told me to keep very still.

One nurse gave me a button to hold and told me to press if I became anxious. So here I was now entering into the unknown. My initial impression was of moving into a new dimension, like entering a time tunnel...but then I do have a vivid imagination.

Caught in the midst of settling down into a relaxed state and wondering what would happen next, this voice came on the headphones informing me there would be a three minute loud sound. I prepared myself for what was to come, clutching at any diversions that caught my attention through the arduous aching as I passed the time.

Cello music, hardly audible above constant racket of thud, thud, thud, followed by thump, thump, then a noise that resembled a loud pneumatic drill digging up roads coarse through my ears, for fifteen minutes.

I tried to remove myself from the situation by being creative and imagining wide open spaces from the past...myself walking along a beach, hearing the lapping of waves on the shore...anything to take me away from the din, but it was nigh impossible to visualize.

Finally the table moved out and I thought that was it, but it wasn't. The nurses took the magnetic plate off and adjusted my position to knees bent. I had to put my arms down by my side. Again a different magnetic plate was placed on my stomach.

 

The nurse told me to get comfortable as there would be another fifteen minutes to endure. I remember while I was in the middle of the scan wanting to scratch my nose, it was itching like crazy, while trying to ignore the irritation too afraid to move my arms...what a torture that was. Finally after 30 minutes it was over. I said to the nurse it felt like being in a science fiction movie, she never said a word, probably heard it all before, just smiled probably eager to get me out quick.

Friday 30th August I got the results of my scan. They did find some wear and tear of nerves in my lower back, but nothing that should require treatment. I was told I would need a right hip replacement which would take away the pain from my hip knee and back.

So it's back to hospital on Wednesday 11th September,  to discuss whether I want to go ahead with the operation. Of course after so much pain there's no doubt in my mind what I will say. Hopefully I'll be on my way to recovery by next year, but sometimes I feel fate has left me so tearful and dispondant and I fear that other medical problems are on the horizon. But I can only cope with one situation at a time.

 

 

 

 

Certificate PG
Other
Dear Diary
Journal
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by HarryC on

So sorry to read that you are going through this, Jenny.  I've had one of those scans and those machines are horrible - the noise, the being closed in... all of it.

I know someone who recently had a hip replacement, after years of increasing pain.  In the end, the consultant said that he would be able to put a tennis ball into the place where her hip had been, so badly worn away was it.  After a couple of weeks' recovery, then some rehabilitation, she's much better and much more mobile - and virtually pain-free.  If that's any consolation or encouragement.  Take care.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Harry,

it's very kind of you to stop by and leave a comment. I'm feeling so sorry for myself at the moment, so you  cheered me up. I know what you mean about the hip replacement helping to walk better, I had my left hip replaced back in 2017, but now my it's my right hip that's playing up. It's amazing what they can do these days. I just feel so desperate to get it done and over with, but patience is needed in situations like this.

Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement,

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

So sorry you are going through such a time, Jenny. A bit like a tunnel in itself. I know what being confined is like, and some difficult pain-pressures, but not like you are enduring at present. I suppose pain relief maybe brings a little easing sometimes, but never fully. it's good you have good memories of the outdoors and your attention to the beautiful detail, and the videos to cheer a bit, and that you have an appointment to discuss the situation quite soon. Much love. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Bless you Rhiannon, I've been so down what with being bed ridden with pneumonia, followed by these pains, and now I've found a hard lump on my head which has suddenly enlarged. I know I should go to the doctors, but I really don't want anything to come between me and getting my hip replacement. It's nice to have a place to go to and talk about my distress, as nobody seems to understand and I'm sure I drive my partner up the wall talking and crying about everything. I just need to get it all of my chest by talking and you know what they say: a problem shared is a problem halved,

Sorry to go on. Yes you're so right I do have my memories and some beautiful videos to cheer me up, but it's the struggle with every day things that upsets me, when I can't manage on my own...so frustrating.

I value your comment and wish you well. 

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and much love to you too.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Oh Jenny I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so down- what a rubbish time it is for you! I will cross everything that you get a date for your hip replacement soon, but please do go to the doctor about the lump too. Your imagination is so vivid, maybe you could try escaping into one of your wonderful long stories? It might take your mind off things (and we could read it) - sending you all the good wishes for a swift sorting out of it all xx

When it's my next turn to do the Inspiration point I'll try to make it a Jenny Special!

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

It's very kind of you to leave a comment insert. I know what you mean about me going to the doctors about the lump, but I'm so worried about the C word, I don't think I could cope on top of everything else, it really frightens me, especially after watching my dad go through dying of cancer. If the lump is malignant I will be able to cope a lot better once I've had the hip replacement.

I wanted to get my hip done back in May and was all prepared to go ahead, but then getting ill with pneumonia made it impossible.

How I would love to escape into a story. I started one about a year ago, but after writing the characters and setting, I couldn't think of an exciting story line, and had no idea where to go with it. Trouble is, because I can't cope so easy with everyday activities, it takes me longer to get from a to b, and by then I don't know where the time goes, it seems to fly by.

But I do love writing about things I feel and see, where ever they may come from, and I suppose that's why I love poetry so much. That's so kind of you to think of me with the Inspiration point. If a story does come to mind, I will certainly enjoy writing and escaping.

Thank you so much for your valued thoughts insert.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

You Poor One! So sorry things are so horrible still. It is like you to think of helping others by writing of your experience in the MRI. I am glad that found there is nothing extra wrong with your back, as that must mean once you have your other new hip the pain there will subside, do you think? I hope so much that your operation date comes through very soon after your consultation on 11th September, which it really should, when they see how very sore you are! Please keep writing on ABCTales as we all care about you very much XXX

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Dear Di,

it's very uplifting knowing there are some friendly people I can talk to on abc tales, it can be very isolating feeling the way I do, not being able to get out and see people other than my partner and son. They are patient and helpful, but abc tales has given me a connection with the outside world.

I like to keep a diary of these events, because they help in the future with dates, times and how I felt about the situation at the time. I do hope the hip replacement does fix all the pains I have. This right hip has felt a lot harsher than before I had the left hip replacement back in 2017. I don't think having that fall in Sainsbury's car park when I bump started the car helped my situation.

It's lovely to know you care and it cheers me up so much to read your comment Di. Bless you and thank you so much.

Jenny. XXX

 

Submitted by Starfish Girl on

So sorry to hear that you are ailing. My husband often quotes his granny who said "Don't grow old" but the alternative is much worse!

I had an MRI scan a while ago, didn't get music to listen to. I thought the sounds were like listening to Stockhausen music. I said this to the nurse who looked at me as though I had gone loopy.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Good morning Lindy,

growing old for me was a pleasure until this year, but health has suddenly and steadily gone down hill, making life so difficult, but I suppose I've been very lucky so far, I know there are many others who have had it much worse.

You mentioned you had an MRI scan, I hope everything was okay for you. To be honest I don't know why they played music into my headphones, because I couldn't hear above din of the machine, so you weren't missing anything. I must look up Stockhausen music, I've never heard of it before,

Thank you for reading and your kind feedback, it was much appreciated,

Jenny.

 

Submitted by marandina on

Eesh..I've seen images of MRI scans on the telly. Everyone seems intimidated by them and some folks can't make it all the way through the session. I can only imagine how scary the loud sounds must be. So glad your health issue has been narrowed down so that you know what to do next. A friend of mine is also having a new hip soon. I'm sure it will all be worth it when you are pain free again.

Take good care of yourself, Jenny. Paul :)

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Paul,

it's been hard since almost the beginning of June having to live with pain everyday, but like you say, let's hope there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

Your friend will feel like a new person once they've had the hip replaced and after some months they'll be able to live their life again, for that I can't wait. I wish them good luck with their op.

Many thanks for the good luck wishes, which I do appreciate very much.

I will be glad when Wednesday comes and I can see the consultant and hopefully get a date for my op.

You take care too.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by rayjones on

I had no idea you going through so much diffculty and misery. I'll keep you in my prayers. I breaks my heart, to hear of your troubles, all my concern Ray.

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

Hi Ray,

thank you so much for your concern on my health. I must say it's been one awful year that's gone from one problem to another. But thankfully I've had a date for my hip replacement, which is the 30th October, so I'm really looking forward to that date. 

I really do appreciate I'll be in your prayers, that's so kind of you to say.

Thank you kindly again.

Jenny.