A hundred moments in autism - In which I manacle my legs together in my underpants

Autists are often clumsy and I am no exception.  

I am at the Edinburgh Fringe with my wife. It is her day off and she is spending the evening with her Edinburgh-based friend. I have planned to spend the evening writing more ‘moments in autism’, but after a series of long days I am suddenly overcome with exhaustion and crash out in bed. 

I go to bed in my T-shirt and underpants and quickly fall asleep. 

My wife wakes me when she returns and asks me to fetch something out of the kitchen. My underpants have slipped down to my ankles while I’ve been sleeping, obviously at some point I made an unsuccessful attempt to take them off. 

I try to step out of bed, but my pants are tied together. I lift my legs in the air and try to unknot them, but this is a master knot, double-tied, and I merely manage to knot the pants tighter.  

Still flailing my legs in the air, I try to approach the pants from a different angle, but all that achieves is that I crash onto the floor, legs still manacled together by my pants. 

I struggle and flail from more, but my pants remain clamped on. 

“Would you mind?” I ask my wife. 

It takes her no time at all to remove the pants, so that I can begin the process of getting dressed.  

Sometimes an autist can be extremely quick and clever. Sometimes you get outwitted by your underpants.