A hundred moments in autism - Parallel Play

Monday evening. Mrs Oblong and myself have just finished watching the last episode of Sherwood. It’s an hour to bedtime, but neither of us feels like watching anything else after a climatic ending to an excellent series, so we do our own thing. Mrs Obng goes on her phone to play Jigsawscapes and I go onto my laptop to write another of my ‘moments in autism’. 

This, in autist circles, is known as parallel play, or ‘being alone together’.  Every couple does it of course, but in autism it is an essential building block of a relationship.  The need for lone time to unfurl meeting the need for company. 

On NT TV, any drama or sitcom where this was happening would be a sign of a breakdown in the relationship, the definitive awkward silence. One character would invariably turn the TV on, only to be told to switch it off, then go back to toying with the book they clearly have no intention of reading, or tapping their keyboard noisily to annoy.  

However, as an all-autistic couple, Mrs Oblong and myself are under no neurotypical social pressure to engage, beyond sharing a space and contentment. There is no small talk. No mental energy spent engaging with the other. We are just doing what we want to do with the person we want to be with.