The New King Arthur Slays His First Dragon! By Alfred N.Muggins

12/8/24

    England (or Britain?) was beset by so many problems. It would be difficult to know where to start. A new Prime Minister, who felt himself, perhaps, to be the new (modern) King Arthur (not to be confused with the actual current King Charles, who had taken over from his erstwhile Mother, Good Old Queen Elizabeth II, the once young and eventually old Post War Queen). But it was clear that Prime Ministers now had far more power in this modern day and age than mere constitutional monarchs. So, in fact, Keir Starmer, was actually proving himself to be quite a strong Prime Minister (King?!), to many people’s surprise! He was no poodle, and had already proved it by slaying his first dragon – the Far Right Dragon, who had appeared in various parts of the Kingdom all at once, picking on migrant Hostels/Hotels and even Mosques, after vicious mistaken rumours were put about blaming migrants and/or muslims for a very nasty lone wolf murderous attack on young girls and their minders at a dancing centre in Southport.

    Within days the Far Right Dragon, showing its many ugly heads, had appeared in Liverpool, Blackpool, London, Plymouth, Hartlepool and Sunderland, and even in usually peaceful Rotherham (Wath on Dearne actually!), which was uncomfortably close to the Mugginses (not quite stately!) home in Sheffield.

    Anyway it was probably (?) all over before it began, so to speak, as the new King Arthur (Prime Minister actually! (not to be confused with Scargill!)) Keir Starmer (sounds like King Arthur – Starmer!!) reorganized the police response to allow quicker multi regional responses, the Courts of Justice (like the original King Arthur he favoured the use of Courts and the Justice system for everything – there would be no sweeping under the carpet of anything this time. Like King Arthur, Alfred got the distinct impression that Keir (King) Starmer would even put himself on trial if he felt obliged to. (Alfred hoped his wife would remain faithful to him? But he was sure she would, unlike the lovely but far too easily tempted Queen Guinnevere. If good old King Boris (Prime Minister!) had been in such a situation he would surely never have put his own Queen on trial, but the Arthurs and Starmers of this world have even higher authorities!)

    Sorry, I do digress, do I not?

    The evil Far Right Rebels would be swiftly rounded up and ‘processed’ by the Justice System, and if there were not enough spare Prison or even Police Cells in the whole Kingdom, then by God, they would build them quickly, and make space in the meantime.

    Very soon the naughty, violent rebels, who had wrecked public and private property, setting fires, and scaring immigrants and muslims generally, and scared law abiding British people of all shades and beliefs, would be off the streets. Unlike in Arthur’s time, where longwinded personal testimonies and circumstantial evidence might have been needed, now the modern Police had the support of CCTV cameras and mobile phones, tracing, and even DNA testing if they needed it. Big Brother Starmer (Arthur) was indeed watching everyone, and even balaclavas and hoods might be no defence from professional people and body language spotters, and tittle tattlers! The Police themselves had been badly abused in this rebellion, and they of course would work hard to round up the suspects. Perhaps there would be no further Far Right rebellions to come for many years, now that Starmer (Arthur!) had shown his strong resolve.