Mad Girl’s Heart Song

Cherry

By jennifer

Thu, 10 Oct 2024
  • 147 reads
8 comments
 

Mad Girl’s Heart Song

 (A Villanelle, based on Sylvia Plath’s ‘Mad Girl’s Love Song’)
 
Jennifer Pickup, 26.09.2024 for World Mental Health Day 10.10.2024
I dance this waltz so that the world won’t end,
Perform these rituals over and again.
(Truths I believe, to others seem pretend.)
To critics and impatience, I won’t bend,
They spur me on, when in they mean to rein.
I dance this waltz so that the world won’t end.
I dream that this will find its natural mend,
Before it drives those around me insane.
(Truths I believe, to others seem pretend.)
Magpies haunt the house, and black cats befriend,
Crossing all my paths through both sun and rain.
I dance this waltz so that the world won’t end.
 
I thought as I aged, calm would be my friend,
But with each passing year, more worry gain.
(Truths I believe, to others seem pretend.)
 
God knows how this devil I will amend,
Banish his demons from my troubled brain.
I dance this waltz so that the world won’t end.
(Truths I believe, to others seem pretend.)
Certificate PG
Poem
Storm on the Horizon (2023-2024)
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by HarryC on

You rarely see villanelles written now, and I've always liked them - the repetitions and cadences.  Dylan Thomas's 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night' is a favourite of mine.  I've not come across the Plath one, so will look it up.

I can identify with the 'understanding' in this poem, in the terrain of mental health/mental illness.  I thought, too, that ageing would change things.  I suppose part of the change comes from acceptance, and the need to put the thoughts and judgments of others aside.  Never easy.

Submitted by jennifer on

I've written four villanelles now - this one most recently, one called 'Another Art' in July this year inspired by ‘One Art’ by Elizabeth Bishop, 'Unsaid' in February this year (not sure of the inspiration, think I just based it loosely on the previous structure I'd used) and my first one, 'Wolves', in August 2023, which was actually based on Dylan Thomas's 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night'! 

I used to write a lot of free verse, but now only write in rhyme and love a strict structure - I love the mental game of negotiating rhyme patterns and syllable rhythms, playing with words until they work! I mostly write in my own structures but occasionally the words seem to be going a certain way and craving a stricter form - they have their own minds! 

It's so true. Ageing makes things both easier and worse - you learn better control and how to negotiate the world in your own way, and also become more innured to things, but also more stuck in your ways and therefore prone to wobbles when things outside of your control change. Part of me wishes I could just 'Let it go!' and live an easier way, but part of me just accepts who I am. Most of my closest people just accept me and my quirks - where I struggle is when people criticise or mock, which turns into self-judgement, which ironically excacerbates my anxiety and OCD!

Writing about it helps. I know reading and listening to other people's honest truths about their mental health journeys via poetry, songs, books, helps me too. I hope my own words help others feel less alone and more understood.

J x

 

Submitted by HarryC on

Yes, Jennifer, they do.  They really do. 

I'm with you, too, on the attitudes of other people.  Having my autism/ADHD diagnosis has helped me - even though it came quite late in life.  It explains things to them as well as to me!  But it doesn't take much to send me into a downward spiral of self-criticism.  I can be doing something I've always done, and something that I've always done well.  But someone just needs to say 'Why are you doing it like that?'... and it turns into disaster.  I wish people could understand how their seemingly insignificant and innocuous words can have a profound impact on a fragile ego.  And then, when you go to pieces, it's 'Why are you over-reacting?'

Submitted by celticman on

the strictures of poetry set you free to just be who you are. 

 

Submitted by Caldwell on

Missed this somehow. Hello Jennifer. I see you're alive and well and still here so I half take back what I wrote as a comment on your other poem about Anxiety except for the bit about font memories of pianos etc.

Look forward to reading more!

Chris

 

Submitted by jennifer on

Hi Chris!

The opposite of what you suggest on your other post is true - I've actually been writing a lot more in 2024! If you click on my name at the top of the poems it will take you to my page on ABCtales where you can see everything I've written this year - in fact, everything I've ever posted on here! 

Had a few difficult years where the Muses abandoned me and a lot of trauma occurred. But the greatest pain actually unleashed something and, now I am writing about it, I'm in a much better place! The cathartic nature of putting words on a page - I'm so lucky to have this outlet back again! 

J x

 

Submitted by HarryC on

I'm with you there, Jennifer.  I've had a few barren years - mainly during and since Covid - when I simply wasn't able to face writing, or anything to do with writing.  It felt like it had all dried up, which had a huge impact on my mental health.  I began again slowly this year, going back over old stuff, trying to get myself enthused.  It's cathartic, as you say.  I'm glad this outlet is here, too smiley

Submitted by Caldwell on

Me too with the muses. Up and down innit? For years at a time...