Anxiety Rules

Gold cherry
Poem of the week

By jennifer

Tue, 10 Oct 2023
  • 2673 reads
17 comments
 

Anxiety Rules

(World Mental Health Day)

Jennifer Pickup (10.10.2023)

 

It started when first my body rebelled,

Took hold of my confidence like a spell,

It played on my vulnerable teenage mind,

And made me leave rational thought behind.

 

Did you turn off the oven? Close the door?

Step right on the cracks in the kitchen floor?

Are the windows locked? Are the lights turned off?

Are you sure there’s nothing that you forgot?

 

What about the switches on the sockets?

And you closed the door, but did you lock it?

Did you turn off this, that, and the other?

One tour of the house, and then another.

 

I go back and check, not just once but twice,

I’m guided by demons of strange device,

But no matter how many times I try,

It’s never enough, I cannot deny.

 

I’ll be wondering all the way to school,

If I ever turned off a light at all,

Whether unlocked doors are yet to be found,

If the house is on fire and burning down.

 

Keep washing my hands in the kitchen sink,

I’m covered in germs, of that I’m convinced,

Covid added a higher neurosis,

New obsession to feed my psychosis.

 

Anxiety Rules are too hard to break,

You become so scared to make a mistake,

Keep it so quiet, but then friends find out,

Which adds to the burden of your self-doubt.

 

Some people observe me and criticise,

They laugh and they mock, keep rolling their eyes,

Others get over-exasperated,

And then I feel even more frustrated.

 

Life trudges on by and you learn to cope,

You leave extra time for the hanging rope,

Set early alarms, allow for the dance,

You wish you could skip it, but there’s no chance.

 

If reading this feels like your own story,

I promise I’m not stealing your glory,

I wished to let you in on my secret:

I’m struggling too. But can you keep it?

Certificate 15
Poem
Storm on the Horizon (2023-2024)
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

I'm sure this will strike a chord with many many others here Jennifer - thank you for sharing, especially today

 

Submitted by jennifer on

...that I've written about this. Hardest poem I've ever written, it took me nearly two weeks on and off, and weirdly I finished it on World Mental Health Day, which I'll be honest I didn't even know existed until it popped up on an NHS campaign email I got at work earlier this week. (For reference, I usually write poems in a sitting, or at most over a couple of sessions). This is my truth, I suspect it resonates with many others as well. Hard to write because it's something I have really struggled with for a very long time, and have had so much judgement and negativity about over most of my life.

J x

 

Submitted by celticman on

no secret when anxiety hits us it plays on our body as well as our mind. great poetry. 

 

Submitted by jennifer on

...mentally, physically, emotionally. And they all affect each other.

Thank you.

J x

 

Submitted by skinner_jennifer on

When I read this poem, it could have been written about me. I do suffer with many of the above mentioned. Anxiety should be my middle name, but it never used to be like that, it's only since getting older that it's hit me hard.

Thank you for sharing this, because at least now I know I'm not alone.

Jenny.

 

Submitted by jennifer on

...to know that others have the same obstacles. Thank you, I have struggled with this a long time and this is the first time I've written about it. I'm glad that you identify, but not glad that you also struggle! I like to think that writing about really difficult things helps others, makes it worth the rawness of laying a personal experience open.

J x

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Warm, honest and so very relatable - this is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day! Please do share/retweet.

Thanks for posting this, Jennifer. It's a beautiful and courageous piece.

Submitted by jennifer on

I'm very touched that this piece has resonated with others, and I am honoured to have been picked for these accolades, thank you!

J x

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Congratulations Jennifer - hopefully you'll get more reads now as this piece so very much deserves to have

 

Submitted by jennifer on

I'm just so pleased that others have found it reassuring. It took a lot to put it out there, but I have always used poetry to expel the things that haunt me, and poetry has saved me so many times, both through the writing of my own and in the reading of others' work, so it felt only right to post it when I wrote it!

J x

 

Submitted by Kris on

A master of smoothness projecting emotions in words and in this case, a complexity, fun to read and explains it... Its a gift enlightened

 

Submitted by jennifer on

Much appreciated, it is a gift and I feel very lucky to have it!

J x

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

This is our Poem of the Week - Congratulations!

 

Submitted by jennifer on

Thank you for choosing it! That's a huge honour!

J x

 

Submitted by catherine poarch on

Yes, struck a chord. I admire you for writing it. I know what it's like. And it's exhausting. But all these things, they're all being human. 

 

Submitted by jennifer on

...your comment is so poetic in itself. Yes, here's to being human!

J x

 

Submitted by Caldwell on

I’ve been thinking about you and your writing lately. Your words always had a way of leaving an impression, much like the rhythm of your name—five clipped syllables, like the steady click-clack of a train moving along the tracks, carrying ideas from one place to another. I miss those exchanges, the ideas we shared, especially about the relationship between music and memory, old pianos with worn keys.

This last poem has stayed with me and it appears to be the last thing you submitted. I hope you’re alright, wherever you are.

I’d love to hear from you again. Even just a line or two. Your words have a way of picking things up, setting them in motion, making them resonate.

Take care, Jennifer. I’m thinking of you.