Who's That Girl? (Dead Reckoning series - Part 34)

Continued from Episode 33 (Strange Brew)

The story so far:  Josiah's 'on the rebound' romance with the woman he thought was his old flame, Jeanette DeVille, led to him and Archibald being left for dead in the rapidly rising waters of the cellar of Evanley Hall.  Rescued and now in recovery, they are both keen to put the past behind them but when Archibald believes he was served in his local chippy by Precious, the supposed daughter of 'Jeanette', and when the Detectives discover CCTV that shows Precious might have been the last one seen with their 'suspicious death' in the local reservoir, no-one can forgive and forget.  Now D.S. Stone has made the discovery that the heir to Evanley Hall, Jeanette Mountjoy, is the resident of the Estate Cottage, inhabited by the apparently mad cat-lover, Jeannie, which just happens to be where Samantha and a reluctant Archibald are, and where Archibald is partaking of a little alternative medicine:

“’Ow yer feelin’ now, son?”  Jeannie asked, studying Archibald carefully.
“I’m erm…” Archibald considered and grinned, “pretty bloody good, ack…actoo…acshually!” He started to giggle, uncontrollably.
“Seems to ‘ave got the jumpiness sorted” Jeannie said, prising the empty mug from Archibald’s hand.
“Was it alcoholic?” Samantha looked at Archibald with some concern.
“Not alcoholic, no” Jeannie shook her head, vigorously, “narcotic…werl, mebbes”
“Narcotic!” Samantha looked shocked.
“Yer didn’t want ‘im jumpy, didjer?”  
“Well, no, but…”
“I’m a little teapot…” Archibald contributed to the discussion.
“There y’are then” Jeannie shrugged and took a sip of tea, frowned and said, “This is like gnat’s water”
“Don’t mention it!” Samantha sniffed.
“…short and st…”  Archibald slumped back in his chair and started to snore.
“Won’t ‘urt ‘im to sleep” Jeannie nodded.
“I guess not,” Samantha agreed, “Jeannie, there’s a reason why we came to see you, today”
“Dint think it were for me tea” Jeannie grinned.
“We need to find out a bit more about the people who did this to Archie” Samantha explained.
“’Ow should I know?” Jeannie went to refill her tea mug, after giving the pot a vigorous stir.
“You seemed to know a bit about them, when we were here last”
“Werl, yer ‘ear stuff, dontcher?”  Jeannie shrugged and settled herself by the fire.  A cacophonous snore from Archibald scared off the cat that was just about to settle on her lap.
“I don’t know, do you?” Samantha looked at her hostess, quizzically, “Such as?”
Jeannie squirmed in her seat, much to the cat’s annoyance.
“Werl, she’s supposed to be the Lady of the Manor, ain’t she?” Jeannie raised an eyebrow, “But that ain’t right.  Then there’s that chit of a girl what she reckons is her daughter, but she ain’t no daughter of her’n and she weren’t ‘ere when they first turned up.  Then there’s ‘im what’s supposed to be ‘er servant…”
“This ‘Hames’ person?”
“Yeah, ‘im.  Git!” Jeannie rubbed her wrists, remembering where she’d previously been tied. “Werl, I seen ‘em carryin’ on an’ doin’, so I don’t reckon ‘e’s no servant” Jeannie chuckled, “Less’n she’s got a thing for ‘er servants, o’ course”
“So, they’re not a family?”
“Nah!” Jeannie spat into the fire, “fer a family, yer’d ‘ave to ‘ave a babby, an’ she’s too posh to push”
There was a loud knocking on the cottage door.
“Bugger!” Jeannie snarled, “’oozat nah?”
She evicted the cat from her lap and tottered toward the door, which she opened a crack and peered out.  Samantha could hear the familiar, if unwelcome, voice of D.I. Wood, saying;
“Jeannette Mountjoy, I presume?”
“Who?” Jeannie replied, still not opening the door fully.
“Jeanette…” D.I. Wood sighed, deprived of his amusing opening line, “You are Jeannette Mountjoy!”
“No, I ain’t” Jeannie replied, flatly, opening the door and staggering back to her chair.
“With respect, ma’am” D.I. Wood said, with as much patience as he could muster, “there is only one person listed as occupying these premises, and that person is Jeanette Mountjoy.  Oh, Mrs. Knight!”
The Detectives were surprised to find Samantha seated by the fire.
“Inspector, Sergeant” She nodded to each, in turn.
“I dunno wot yer on with” Jeannie muttered, sipping from her mug, “if’n yer want tea, there’s some in the pot”
D.S. Stone went to investigate the tea pot whilst D.I. Wood pulled up a dining chair, reversed it and straddled the result, glaring all the time at Jeannie.
“Are you denying that you are Jeanette Mountjoy?”
“I’m Jeannie” Jeannie said, matter-of-factly, “’ave been fer years”
“Hang on!” Samantha looked puzzled, “Wasn’t Jeanette the old flame of Josiah’s that he was supposed to be meeting for dinner on the night he went missing?”
“Nowt ter do with me” Jeannie shook her head, “I were tied up, remember?”
“CAN WE JUST ESTABLISH, ONCE AND FOR ALL, THAT YOU ARE JEANETTE MOUNTJOY?”  D.I. Wood yelled, all patience gone, scattering cats in all directions.
“Alright, keep yer ‘air on” Jeannie sipped her drink, noisily, “Ow’s yer foot?”
“Much better, thank you!” D.I. Wood admitted, reluctantly.
“Toldjer!” Jeannie replied, with a smirk.
“Will you please just answer the question” D.I. Wood implored.
“Oh, werl…” Jeannie sighed, deeply, “I s’pose I might ‘ave been…once”
“Gosh!” Samantha looked shocked.
“Dunner look so surprised!” Jeannie snapped, “I ‘ad a lot of suitors in me day”
“Including Josiah?”
“That ‘im what were in the watter, with ‘im?” Jeannie nodded toward the sleeping Archibald.
“Yes” Samantha nodded.
“Huh!” Jeannie shrugged and shook her head, “Dint reckernise ‘im!  E’s changed”
“So, that’s why you knew your way around the Hall?  You knew where there might be blankets!”  Samantha went on.
“Werl, I grew up there” Jeannie nodded, “Oughter know a bit”
“What can you tell me about your sister, Nenette?” D.I. Wood asked.
“Nuffin!” Jeannie folded her arms and stared at the fire.
“She is your sister?” D.S. Stone insisted.
“Twin sister, yeah” Jeannie looked troubled, “Nowt terdo with me though, nah”  She poked at the fire, violently.
“Do you know where she is?” D.I. Wood asked.
Jeannie shrugged and continued to stare at the fire.
“How about her daughter, Precious?”
Jeannie spluttered and chuckled.
“Precious?”  She giggled, “She ain’t got no daughter, ‘Precious’, it’s like I was tellin’ this’n, she’s too posh to push”
“You don’t believe she has children?” D.I. Wood frowned.
“Nah, never in a rain of pig’s puddin’” Jeannie shook her head, “I dunner know where the girl came from, just turned up one day, I think”
“How about this man” D.I. Wood held up a CCTV image, “Hames?”
“Jeannie told me that she thinks he and Nenette might be…in a romantic liaison” Samantha supplied.
“Thank you, Mrs. Knight, but I would be grateful if you would allow Miss Mountjoy here, to answer the questions” D.I. Wood snapped.
“Romantic lee-ay-zon?” Jeannie giggled, “ain’t ‘eard it called that fer a while” She wheezed.
“Do you know who he is?”  D.S. Stone enquired.
“Nope” Jeannie shook her head.
“Do you know his full name?”
“Nope” She shook her head, again.
“Do you know what his relationship is to either Nenette Mountjoy, or the woman known as Precious?”  D.I. Wood asked.
“Dunno!”  Jeannie shrugged, “Dunno if they’ve got any!  ‘E turned up with ‘er, a while back.  Prob’ly ‘ad a few lee-ay-zons, mindjer!”  She chuckled.
“We’re not getting anywhere, sir” D.S. Stone sighed.
“No, Sergeant” D.I. Wood frowned, “I suppose finding out what they are not, is something.  Not much, but something.  What’s the problem with Mr. erm…Thurble?”
“Archie?   Jeannie’s given him something to erm…make him feel better” Samantha looked at her sleeping colleague with concern.
“E’ll be alright” Jeannie rubbed her hands in front of the fire, “E’s ‘ad a bad time of it, is all”
“So, we know Nenette is Jeannie’s twin sister, Hames may be her boyfriend…” D.S. Stone ticked each off on his hand.
“Boyfriend!” Jeannie laughed, heartily, at the idea.
“…and Precious is not the daughter of either of them” D.S. Stone continued.
“There might ‘ave been a babby once, though” Jeannie mused, staring at the fire and oblivious to her guests.
“Yes, that’s about the size of it, Sergeant” D.I. Wood nodded, gloomily, ignoring Jeannie’s remark.
“Doesn’t help a lot, does it sir?”
“No, Stoney, it doesn’t!”
“Looks like we’ve all had a wasted journey, apart from Archie!”  Samantha said.
Another loud snore indicated that Archibald was enjoying his rest.

You can find a lot more from Josiah and Archibald, including the prequel novel to this series, in The Undertakers collection.

Now read Episode 35