Letter from a Daily Mail reader

Dear Jeff’s Sandwich Emporium 

I was shocked during a visit to your sandwich emporium, to find your menu saturated in ‘woke’ and ‘leftist’ sandwiches. 

Some of the sandwiches listed on the menu contained no red meat. They were all ‘woke’ anti-meat options, like chicken, tuna-sweetcorn.  There was even one uber-woke ‘vegan cheese sandwich’ and the option of ‘wholemeal seeded bread’.  

Worst, an entire section of the menu encouraged consumers to get ‘Bap Happy’. Baps are a soft, wimpish bread and worst that that, they are scottish. What’s wrong with traditional, English, hard-as-rocks rolls 

This is woke political correctness gone mad. The last sandwich I ate (during a visit to the Jeremy Clarkson Farm Shop) contained a veritable meat feast, weasel slices, badger’s eyeballs, squirrel’s scrotum and a pangolin's penis. This is what I expect when I order a sandwich, good old-fashioned, traditional meat. 

When I started throwing things at the staff and shouting obscenities, they tried to console me with the comment that ‘we’ve had exactly the same menu for fifty years? What sort of excuse is this?. The fact that I’ve not complained previously in spite of eating in the same sandwich shop every day for fifty years just means that I have five decades worth of complaint to make up. That’s 15,000 pangolins’ penises I’ve been denied. 

Please stop selling woke sandwiches.  This is Britain, not some European country with their balanced diets and health-awareness. 

Please start putting dead animals in all of your sandwiches now, immediately, or else I will have to order one of the various red meat sandwiches on the menu instead. 

Yours with poisonous bile and venom 

AJ Daily Mail Reader