It's My Party (Dead Reckoning series - Part 40)

Continued from Episode 39 (Santa Baby)

The story so far:  Josiah's 'on the rebound' romance with the woman he thought was his old flame, Jeanette DeVille, proved to be with her twin sister, Nenette, and led to him and Archibald being left for dead in the rapidly rising waters of the cellar of Evanley Hall.  Since then, there has been much to occupy the Merkin-under-Heathwood police force, not least the apparent suicide of a young man in the local reservoir (last seen in the company of Precious DeVille - Nenette's supposed daughter) and then the further apparent suicides of Nenette and her 'driver' Hames.  The common denominator in all of these deaths appears to be Precious, who also appeared, briefly, at Archibald's favourite chip shop,  On a more festive note, Samantha has persuaded Josiah to allow a Secret Santa arrangement to brighten up the Christmas season for the workers, along with an Archibald-built shelf for Christmas Cards in Josiah's office:

“I think it’s gone rather well, don’t you?” Samantha said, beaming as the assembled employees of Oakshott & Underwood stood around, chatting and joking, in the Workshop, enjoying the Company Christmas Party.
“I have to admit that the atmosphere has been markedly more convivial this year, than in years past” Josiah nodded, sipping his glass of British Cream Sherry. “It has to be said that your Secret Santa innovation, despite my concerns regarding the appropriateness of such a scheme, has made a real difference”
“Yes, it seems to have gone down well” Samantha grinned.
“In previous years, once they had consumed the obligatory sherry and mince pie, and, of course, heard my summary of the year’s events, they couldn’t wait to go home but, this year, they seem much happier to stay and chat”
“I think they’ve been busy comparing and contrasting what they’ve each had as a present.  Speaking of which, next year we’re going to have to do a bit better than a bottle of British Sherry as their present from the Company” Samantha said firmly.
“But, it’s traditional” Josiah pleaded.
“I don’t care!  It’s old-fashioned and parsimonious and does nothing for morale.  We need to find something that they’ll actually want and value.  We can start thinking about that in the New Year” Samantha flipped open a notebook and made a quick note.
“We’re erm, planning for next year then, are we?” Josiah mused.
“Well, yes, if you’re happy for me to continue to be involved?” Samantha blushed a little.
“As a matter of fact, I’ve been meaning to have a word with you on that topic…” Josiah began but was interrupted by Archibald.
“I just wanted to say thank you, Mr. O.” Archibald winked broadly, “I know as ‘ow I shouldn’t, like you said, but I just wanted you to know ‘ow grateful I am, sort of thing” He winked again, beamed and then hurried away.
“How very odd!” Josiah looked puzzled.
“I take it you were his Secret Santa?” Samantha asked, with a grin.
“Well, yes, there was a certain inevitability about that, I thought” Josiah nodded.
“I presume you bought him something a bit special then, did you?”
“Well, no, not really” Josiah confessed, “I managed to pick up a pair of cufflinks from that Antiques & Curios place in town”
“Cufflinks?  Does Archie wear cufflinks?”
“Not to my knowledge, no”
“Then, why cufflinks?”
“Oh, I see, well they had upon them a motif showing a drum and drumsticks, I thought they were rather appropriate.  They were only £10” Josiah explained.
“I’m surprised he was quite so grateful” Samantha frowned, “I mean, yes, it was a thoughtful present in one respect, but hardly the stuff of undying gratitude, would you say?”
“Well, clearly they have been better received than either you or I could possibly have imagined” Josiah shrugged.
“I jusht wanna shay, Mister Oaksh…Mistrah Oaksh…Shir” Mr. Strine was swaying before Josiah, “Jusht wanna shay, thanks” He held out his hand to shake and then stared at it, owlishly, as if surprised to find it there.
“Not at all, Mr. Strine” Josiah smiled weakly and perfunctorily shook the proffered hand, “Thank you for your invaluable help and expertise this year”
“You’re welcome Mistrah…Mistrah…you’re welcome” Mr. Strine stemmed a burp in mid-flow and grinned, vacantly. “I’ll see yer after Chrish…Chrish…I’ll see yer” He waved vaguely and began to stagger away.
“How the dickens did he manage to get like that?” Josiah asked
“I rather think he’s been drinking the sherries that people didn’t want.  There must have been quite a few” Samantha giggled.
“Hey!  I know worrimeant to shay” Mr. Strine had turned around in mid-stride and lurched back to them, “what did that girl want?”
“Girl? What girl, Mr. Strine?” Josiah asked.
“’Er what come in when you wash all at lunch, t’other day” Mr. Strine attempted to explain, whilst also attempting to keep a considerable quantity of Cream Sherry, gastrically at bay.
“I was not aware of any girl, Mr. Strine”
“Musht of bugg…gone then!” Mr. Strine shrugged, turned and lurched off again.
“I hope you’re going home now, Mr. Strine” Samantha suggested.
“Nah, goin’ dahn the pub with the lads, enni?” He grinned, broadly, hiccoughed and made his unsteady way to the door.
“I really do think Christmas has a lot to answer for” Josiah said, sternly.
“Oh, he’s alright.  Just had several too many” Samantha grinned, “What was that he was saying about a girl?”
“I have no idea” Josiah shook his head, “Why, what are you thinking?”
“Well, we can’t be paranoid about any and every reference to a girl,” Samantha sighed, “It can’t always mean that Precious has been about, but we can’t dismiss it, either” Samantha frowned, “I wonder…?”
Amidst the flurry of people laughing, joking and saying their goodbyes, she strode over to the Secret Santa sack, now apparently empty and deposited on the floor.  She picked it up and held it upside down.  A solitary small, wrapped gift, dropped to the floor.  She retrieved it and took it back to Josiah.
“This wouldn’t be your cufflinks, would it.  This minute parcel without a tag?”
“Ah yes,” Josiah examined the small parcel, guiltily, “I do believe so!  In that case, what was it that Archibald was so pleased about?”
“I’m not at all sure” Samantha turned the small gift over and over in her hands, “but I’ve got to admit, Josiah, I’m worried”

* * * *

A little while later, Archibald was bouncing up the steps of The Merkin Country Club, Spa & Restaurant, brimming with excitement.  He stopped, open-mouthed, in the Reception Hall, admiring the huge Christmas Tree that stretched up to the distant ceiling and dominated the whole area.
“Wow, that’s quite summat, innit?” He said, still staring upward, to the well-dressed young man behind the Reception Desk.
“It has been commented upon, favourably sir” The man nodded, “Do you have a reservation, sir?”
“A reser…oh, right, I’ve got this” Archibald handed over a printed voucher.
“Ah yes, I see sir” The man inspected the voucher and then tapped some information into his computer.  “Mr. erm, Throughball, is it?”
“Thurble” Archibald corrected.
“Indeed?” The man nodded, without looking up from his screen, “You have a reservation for one night in one of our luxury suites, sir”
“Luxury eh?” Archibald bounced from one foot to the other, with anticipation.
“Indeed, sir” The man smiled, “Will sir be dining with us tonight?”
“Is it included?” Archibald looked worried.
“It is indeed, sir”
“Oh well then, yeah, definitely!” Archibald grinned.
“Excellent, sir, I will reserve a table.  Would eight-o-clock be acceptable?”
“What, for dinner?  Oh yeah, bring it on!” Archibald made a thumbs-up sign.
“Fine, that table is booked for you, sir.  Here is your key,  you are on the fourth floor.  Now, in your suite you will find a comprehensive list of all of the facilities available in our Spa.  Should you wish to avail yourself of any of these treatments and services, you will need to telephone the Spa Reception Desk on the number provided”
“Is that included an’ all?”
“It is, indeed, sir, as is your choice of breakfast in the morning”
“Smashing!” Archibald rubbed his hands, “I’m definitely going to book meself one of them full body massages, I’ve always wanted one of them”
“A very popular choice, I am led to believe, sir” The man nodded, solemnly handing over the key. “Does sir have any luggage?”
“Oh no, just me overnight bag” Archibald held up a sports bag.
“The lift is to your left, sir.  I do hope that you enjoy your stay, but do let me know if you require anything further” The man bowed slightly.
“Oh yeah, not half” Archibald grabbed the key and bounded toward the lift.
The lift whisked him swiftly and silently to the Fourth Floor. Archibald peered at the sign displaying the room numbers, consulted his key card and then marched off, over thick and luxurious carpet, toward his room.  
He managed to get the door-lock light to turn to green on his third attempt with the key card and shoved the heavy door open with his shoulder.  It was pitch-black inside and flicking the light switches didn’t seem to make any difference.  The door sighed shut, behind him.  He scrabbled in his pocket and retrieved his ‘phone.  With a couple of shakes, he managed to activate the flashlight function so that he could finally see what he was doing.  More flicking of the switches had no effect and he was muttering darkly to himself, when he turned around to see where he could find the room telephone.  
He gasped with horror when he saw a body lying on one of the beds.  
He emitted a shrill yelp when the body then eased itself up onto its elbows, looked at him and said,
“Hello, Archie!” In a silky voice.

You can find a lot more from Josiah and Archibald, including the prequel novel to this series, in The Undertakers collection.