Excerpts From Colin Brough's Journal

EXCERPTS FROM COLIN BROUGH'S JOURNAL

Friday 28th July 2000:

"&;#8230;. I stopped off for a 'quick one' in The Constitution and
was served by the most gorgeous female I have ever seen. It was the
generous smile she served up with the pint of lager that attracted me.
It was the warmest, most brilliant smile I had ever witnessed;
something a lot more than what you'd expect from a barmaid welcoming a
customer. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she told me in the
sprightliest of tones, 'That'll be one pound seventy, please
sir.'

I stayed at the counter sipping my drink until she attempted to move
around the bar to collect empty glasses. Escaping from behind the pumps
necessitated lifting a heavy wooden section. Rather than watch her
struggle I helped her out, and was rewarded with another lavish smile.
'Thank you,' she beamed, ducking under my arm.

The way she flashed her eyes and her body language left me in awe as I
watched her weave in between and around tables, dextrously snatching up
empty pint pots.

Not being a socialite, for a man of my twenty-six years, my experience
with the opposite sex leaves a lot to be desired. In fact, the only
time I feel any degree of confidence is when I'm sat behind a guitar
singing. But, the moment my eyes fell on Elizabeth, I knew she the one
for me. Due to my shortcomings I was only able to discover her name
from Roy, her colleague behind the bar.

'New here, isn't she?' I put it to him, 'What's her name?'

'Elizabeth,' he told me with a knowing twinkle in his eye.

With great reluctance I eventually prized myself away from The
Constitution to play a gig with my mates, Gary and Rod, at The Bell
Tower.

I was negotiating my best friend, Yammy (a six-string Yamaha acoustic);
through the door when Elizabeth went out of her way to flash a
wonderful goodbye smile at me that left my face flushed and me tingling
from head to toe.

This first encounter with Elizabeth is enough for me to realise that I
am in love with her and certain she feels the same about
me&;#8230;."

Thursday 24th August 2000:

"&;#8230;.Because I want her so much, I have kept away from
Elizabeth and The Constitution. I don't want to mess things up with
blunderings, as I have done with so many potential relationships in the
past. My plan is to start off on a casual footing by, maybe just coming
across her unexpectedly. To this end I need to know where she lives. To
do the trace her address I first need to know her surname. While
pondering these plans, I have been staying up until all hours of the
morning composing and taping songs, with Yammy, expressing my feelings
for her&;#8230;."

Friday 25th August 2000:

"&;#8230;. It is by pure good fortune that tonight Roy had chosen to
spend his evening off at one of our regular folk gigs at The Bell
Tower. It gave me the opportunity to glean that his colleague is
Elizabeth Page. He doesn't have a clear idea where she lives, other
than she'd mentioned enjoying a jog around Cannon Hill
Park&;#8230;."

Saturday 26th August 2000:

"&;#8230;. With the information Roy has supplied, I took myself into
the central library to study the electoral roll today. It wasn't an
easy task but, with the help of a map and the estimate of her age at
around twenty-four, I have managed to narrow the field down to three
possibilities. But where from here?&;#8230;"

Sunday 27th August 2000:

"&;#8230;. After protracted deliberations, I have decided that,
although we have only exchanged a couple of words, Elizabeth's voice is
so distinctive I would recognise it anywhere.
Convinced of this, I traced the three possibilities in the telephone
directory. Having no intention of speaking to any of them, I have
listened to their brief responses. Fortunately my first instinct has
been confirmed; it was my Elizabeth who answered the very first call.
Knowing the address, I have wrapped up the tapes, with a covering note
signed 'An admirer', I will post them to her tomorrow
&;#8230;."

Sunday 3rd September 2000:

"&;#8230;. This past week I have consoled myself with the thoughts
and visions of Elizabeth sitting listening to my tapes. I imagine her
putting on her make-up or, maybe relaxing on a sofa, relishing every
word of my tributes to her&;#8230;."

Sunday 10th September 2000:

"&;#8230;. I want to see Elizabeth so badly but because I cannot
bring myself to call in at The Constitution, I have taken to
frequenting Cannon Hill, in the hope of getting a glimpse of
her&;#8230;.."

Monday 18th September 2000:

"&;#8230;. I saw Elizabeth running in the park today. She didn't
notice me and I was able to follow her all the way home without being
seen. Managed to slip in her back door of the small terraced house
while she was taking a shower upstairs. I was absolutely distraught to
find the tapes discarded on a kitchen worktop with the wrapping paper
strewn around them - it seems she hasn't bothered listening to them. At
least now I know where she lives I will be able to keep a closer eye on
her&;#8230;."

Friday 29th September 2000:

"&;#8230;. I realise I cannot continue the way I am going. My love
for Elizabeth is just too strong. I have made a decision: Tomorrow I
will call around to her house and tell her just how much I care for
her. I know it will not be easy. But, if am ever to have any peace of
mind, I know this is what I must do&;#8230;."

Saturday 30th September 2000:

"&;#8230;. Filled with trepidation, I called around to see Elizabeth
today. My heart sank to unimaginable depths when a huge dark haired
chap about the same age as myself answered the door. He appeared quite
accommodating when I first asked to speak to Elizabeth. However, his
humour blackened immediately I introduced myself as the person who sent
the tapes.

He called over his shoulder, 'It's that fuckin' nutter who sent you the
tapes. D'you want to speak to him, Liz?'

'No.' I heard Elizabeth call from somewhere inside the house.

He turned back to me. 'And have you been making phone calls as
well?'

I gave a nervous nod. 'I rang once, just to confirm the address. I had
no intention of making a nuisance of myself. I'm sorry if&;#8230;' I
felt my nose squelch under his fist.

'Now fuck off and pester somebody else, cos if you come back here again
I won't be responsible for what I might do.'

With those words ringing in my ears, I struggled to keep my balance as
I reeled across the pavement. Cupping my bloodied nose in my hands, I
caught the briefest glimpse of Elizabeth's concerned face before her
man slammed the door shut on me&;#8230;."

Monday 2nd October 2000:

"&;#8230;. I have spent two sleepless nights no knowing where to
turn. Although my swollen nose is extremely uncomfortable, it is the
situation with Elizabeth that causes me the most pain. I cannot believe
what she must be going through with that man. If he had any respect for
her, he would surely think twice about using such foul language in
front of her, and calling her 'Liz' instead of her proper name! Worse
than that, I've had haunting visions of him violating her body; such a
beautiful creature should not be used for sexual gratification. If only
she were closer to me, I would cherish and protect her from all such
things. As I write this, the mere thought of them 'together' fills me
with longing and revulsion.

I know there is no answer to this situation and I should accept that
Elizabeth is another love I've lost, but I can't! I know for the rest
of my life she will be in my foremost in my thoughts&;#8230;."

Tuesday 3rd October 2000:

"&;#8230;. Still not able to sleep, I decided to try the pharmacy to
get something that might help. There the prettiest brunette I have ever
seen served me. She really went out of her way to be helpful,
recommending some sleeping tables that could be supplied without a
prescription. I'm grateful of this as my relationship with my doctor is
far from ideal. He's never got time to listen to me; insisting my
problems can only be resolved by me. Tomorrow I will wait for Hanna
(the girl who served me) to finish at the pharmacy and see if she will
listen. She appears so perfect, full of warmth and kindness, different
to all the others. I believe she is the one person who will understand
me&;#8230;."

* * * *

[Colin's Brough's journal and a smashed guitar were two of the few
processions found in his grubby little flat by police investigating the
discovery of his crumpled body at the base of a city centre car park on
Wednesday 18th October 2000.]

THE END