Believe

There was something magical about Jasmine's artwork; hard to put
what it was into words exactly, but something distinctive, something
special; it was almost like as you looked at it, you felt as if you
could pass through the fabric of the canvas and go into another world.
The frames around the paintings were like window panes that gave the
illusion you were gazing out from this world and into another one, a
world full of strange and wonderful places.

Jasmine had been painting ever since she could remember, her mother
had been a painter too. And as soon as Jasmine was able to pick up a
paintbrush, her mother had begun to teach her about technique. Jasmine
remembered times when they would both work on the same paintings
together. Neither of them would speak - each working on their part of
the canvas in silence till it connected in the centre. Then afterwards
they would talk about what parts of the painting they liked best and
why. Jasmine had loved these times with her mother.

At school Jasmine's already skilled eye for colour and detail; had won
her the respect and admiration of her teachers and peers. She won
competition after competition and went on to university to study and
recieve the highest grades and honours in the subject.

But despite all this, Jasmine was a quiet person, shy and not liking to
boast or speak too highly of herself. When someone praised her work,
she would look meekly at the ground, uncomfortable and uncertain as to
what she should say, liking and hating the attention at the same time.
She found people hard going; she was a solitary animal at heart,
someone who preferred her own company to that of others. Always she
wanted to go to some place alone, so she could paint. And for many
years she lived happily alone.

Till oneday she met a man and fell in love. It had been unexpected, and
not something she had been particularly looking for, or longing for.
But once it happend, she realized her life could never be the same
again, her world was altered in ways she had not thought possible
before. The man's name was Carl, he was an English lecturer at the
local college, and a fine poet too. Carl made her feel special. She
liked to read his poetry; and he liked to watch her paint. She felt
safe and secure in his arms and at peace with herself and the world
when he was with her. When they made love, she could imagine beautiful
colours and complex visual patterns twirling around her mind; all
coming together to connect into vast tapestries that made her want to
reach out for her paintbrush to try and communicate them in some way
onto canvas.

Carl helped her to find the courage to display her artwork in a local
gallery. He made all the necessary phonecalls, paid the costs to rent
the space and got her a spot for a whole month. Carl was skilled at
communication, and because of this he was able to help give Jasmine the
break she needed: a chance to get her art out into the world, a chance
to be recognized, she had never had the courage to try this
before.

Her first art exhibition was a huge success; nobody had seen pictures
quite like hers, they were unique, something new and exciting and they
managed to grab the attention of some important figures, ones who had
connections with the Cork street gallery in London; and it was not long
before she was contacted by a London dealer who was very impressed by
her artwork. Jasmine struck a deal with this man and soon her paintings
were on display in a gallery in London and being sold for ?2000+ each.
Things began to move very fast from there, her paintings caught the eye
of a famous New York dealer, who helped to get her art known abroad,
and soon she was sought after by collectors worldwide. But even though
she was enjoying great success and prosperity, she did not let it get
to her head. Still she remained quiet and shy of people, and she did
not forsake her painting; but painted with a greater passion than she
had previously. She hated socializing and refused to take part in
interviews with the press, her painting becoming a way now for her to
escape these trials that came with fame.

But just as it seemed like life was rolling into the pastures where
dreams come to surface and grow into reality; fate dealt her a cruel
hand. On his way back home from work one evening. Carl was involved in
a terrible car accident. A lorry jack-knifed on the road in front of
him. It had happened suddenly and very quickly.. so quickly he had been
un-able to brake in time--the paramedics had found him dead in his
car.

From that moment on Jasmine's world fell apart.

Upon hearing this news Jasmine didn't say a word, but left the painting
she was working on and after identifying her dead lover in the morgue
of the hosptial: was not seen again for quite sometime. She didn't
return home that evening, but just walked; walked for as long as her
legs would let her. She wasn't sure where she was going, nor did she
care; all she knew was that if she kept on walking, if she kept herself
moving then it would help to not let her sorrow catch up with
her.

It was in the rain they found her, a skeletal and ragged thing;
shivering, broken, crying and close to death. No matter how many people
spoke to her she seemed not to acknowledge their presence, indeed she
just stared - sad and empty. They placed her in a mental health
hospital, dressed her in pale gowns to match her pale face; and there
she remained for many years, silent and broken. And in all those lonely
years, she did not paint. Life had no colour for her any more, no
meaning now that her lover was gone. He had taken all it's colour and
beauty with him, so much a part of her world had he become; that to her
there was just an emptiness now that hurt her within. A wish that could
never come true, a dream that could not germinate, no matter how much
she wanted it to, no matter how much her tears watered the soil where
they grew.

Till one autumn she had a visitor: an old woman. A woman who had a kind
smile, and a strange light in her eye. "Jasmine.." She said with
gentleness.

Jasmine looked up, but didn't answer.

"My name is Katherine... I'm.. I'm Carl's mother."

Jasmine's expression didn't change upon hearing this, she just stared
at her visitor with sad eyes.

" I don't want you to take this the wrong way, this may sound a bit
wierd or crazy; but I have a message for you... It's from Carl."

She looked at Jasmine for a moment, watching for any signs she was
listening, wondering if she could hear her, if she could understand her
- from whatever lonely place her mind had gone to.

"For the past fortnight I have been plagued by a strange dream. The
dream is vivid, and every night in this deam I see Carl. He is lost and
alone, wanting so much to hold you in his arms, to be with you, to
comfort you; but un-able to reach where you are. And in this dream he
looks up at me and points to an empty canvas: 'Mother' he says. 'Tell
her not to be sad. You must go and tell her that I can live on in her
paintings, tell her she must stop grieving and paint again. Tell her to
paint us both together in glorious colour. Tell her that no matter how
far away I am, we will oneday meet again. Tell her she must not lose
hope, that she must believe we will be together again. Tell her she
must not give up believing... and tell her to paint.' "

Katherine paused and smiled sweetly at Jasmine, but she failed to stop
the tears, she wiped them quickly from under her eyes. This was
madness, it was just a stupid dream, why was she telling her this? To
further confuse the poor girl?

Jasmine continued to sit and stare as if she hadn't been listening to a
word Katherine had said. They both sat for a moment in uncomfortable
silence, Katherine desperately trieing to think up something else to
say, but finding she was tongue-tied.

"I don't know if you understand.." She said finally. "But I couldn't
rest until I had told you this... and I thought it might comfort
you."

Jasmine sat and stared blankly. Katherine wanted so much to hug her,
to let her know she understood the sadness she was feeling, to tell her
that everything was going to be alright, but she got up to leave. "I
must go now, I have things to do.. " She said. " And it's getting
late... but I will try to come and see you again soon."

Katherine wiped the tears again from her eyes and felt them sting a
little from the smudged mascara that had started to run into them a
little. And as she turned to leave, Jasmine reached out suddenly and
held her hand. Katherine looked at her in surprise, Jasmine's face
seemed to have gained some colour, and though she continued to remain
silent; her gesture showed that she had been listening. And in that
silence she spoke more than words could ever say and Katherine
smiled.

***

That night Jasmine began painting again. And over the course of the
next few days, she brought forth from the depths of her imagination:
the most colourful and detailed world she had ever painted onto canvas.
It was something unlike anything she had painted before. A new world,
where things did not grow old or die; where her and Carl could be
together, without fear of either of them losing the other again. She
painted colourful rolling hills and skies; a great waterfall that in
the sunlight reflected all the colours of the rainbow - and then
finally stood by it she painted Carl in perfect detail. The image of
Carl invoked a strong emotion in Jasmine and she stopped painting
suddenly and looked at him. She longed to be there with him, to hold
him in her arms. And as she longed for this, the painting seemed to
take on substance, as if it was real, as if it was a doorway to another
world. She reached out to touch it and found to her pleasure that her
hand could pass through it like water and appear on the other side. Was
she dreaming this? Or hallucinating? She pulled her hand back out of
the painting and looked at it amazed. She could hear sounds coming from
the other side. And she heard Carl's voice calling out to her, "I love
you, " he said, "I will always love you."

She wondered if she might be able to go to him. Pass through the fabric
of the painting and into the world where he stood waiting for her. She
lifted her leg and placed her foot into the painting, and to her joy it
passed through; she placed her other foot into the painting, then her
arms, followed by her whole body; till she was stood in the most
beautiful world she had ever seen. She felt tears well in her eyes at
the sight of the spectacular colours and detail that surrounded her,
she just wanted to cry, but not out of sadness, out of pure joy. She
could feel the colours with the whole of her being almost as if they
were becoming a part of her, were her. She looked behind her and saw
her old world shimmering in the sky, and she wondered if she should go
back to it, what if the doorway back to the real world closed forever?
But she had no desire to go back, there was nothing there for her now,
all she wanted, had ever wanted, was here. So she turned her back on
her old world and ran to meet her lover by the waterfall: Carl who
stood there waiting for her with his arms outstretched. She melted
seemlessly into his embrace and felt a big smile creep on her face;
nobody, or nothing would take him away from her this time.. no, not
here, not now. In the sky there was a loud crack of thunder or what
resembled thunder and she knew that it was the sound of the way back to
her old world closing. She turned round briefly to see that the
shimmering image of her old world was gone completely now and all that
remained was pure sky. She wondered if perhaps she could paint a way
back to the other world again; but at the sound of the waterfall, at
the sight of so many beautiful colours and of her lover's gentle voice,
she realized she didn't want to go back to it. Here was a whole new
world.. one where anything could happen; one that contained limitless
possibilities. The most beautiful world she had ever seen. The place
she had always known about, had tried to express with her paintbrush.
And now she had found a way to get to it.. all she had to do was
believe.

***

Jasmine's disappearance was a strange one. The nurse had come to check
on her in the early morning as she always did, only to discover she
wasn't there. It was strange because Jasmine wasn't one to be up in the
early hours of the morning, normally she would have to be roused. The
nurse wondered where she could be, but stopped and smiled when she saw
that Jasmine had finished the painting she had been working on over the
past few days. It had been wonderful to watch her paint, she seemed to
be getting better again. It was always good to see patients getting
better, like they were waking up from a deep sleep and finding
themselves again. It made her job feel worthwhile.

She walked over to take a closer look at the painting. It was
beautiful, perhaps the most beautiful painting she had ever seen, so
many colours and such amazing detail. She had heard that Jasmine had
been a fine painter before she got ill; and something about the
painting almost seemed real, it was strange. It was as if she was
gazing through a window into another place, one that was just as real
as this one. As she looked at it longer, she saw two figures stood by a
waterfall. A man and a woman embracing - lovers perhaps. And as she
studied the woman's face closely she realized it was Jasmine or a woman
who closely resembled Jasmine.

The nurse stepped back from it suddenly feeling very odd, and looked
around the room, where was Jasmine? She noticed Jasmine's bed was all
made and it looked as if it hadn't been slept in. Jasmine never made
her bed in the morning. She got a strange feeling as she noticed this,
the whole room had that strange feeling one gets when you walk passed a
friend's house after they have moved away and aren't coming back; like
empty walls and echoes awaiting patiently for the next person.

As day turned to night and the doctors and security had finally been
alerted; as the weeks passed, changing into months, seasons then years
- she realized Jasmine wasn't coming back. The painting was eventually
taken away by a rich art collector and wasn't seen for a while; not
until it was placed in a public gallery he built especially for
displaying Jasmine's work. There were news stories about her mysterious
disappearance in a lot of the papers, but despite the enormous
publicity, Jasmine was never seen nor heard from again.

In time she came to be remembered and hailed as one of the greatest
artists of this century; becoming an inspiration for many more aspiring
artists to come.

***

Katherine looked up at the painting entitled: "Believe" Is that what
Jasmine had named it? She smiled, there was something magical about the
painting; something she couldn't put into words, something deep,
something wonderful.

Not long after Jasmine's mysterious disappearance Katherine had dreamt
of this painting. Had dreamt about it every night for many weeks; and
now finally she was able to see it in reality, hung here on this wall.
It seemed to resonate, if resonate was the right word, with some kind
of energy, as if it wasn't a painting at all, as if it was a living
breathing thing. It was beautiful, so beautiful.. whatever had happend
to Jasmine she didn't know, but she felt from looking at the picture
that wherever she was, she was happy and that her son Carl was with
her. She reached out impulsively over the barrier to touch the
painting, and as she touched it the surface seemed to ripple like
water. She pulled her hand back in shock and disbelief, looking at the
painting for a moment in amazement; before slowly reaching out to touch
it again... but it must have been her imagination or a trick of the
light, for all that greeted her fingers this time was canvas.