What did I do so wrong

It`s not like I did anything to provoke it, I was just me, happy me.
Happy, I thought I was until I found myself, it took me a while but I
did.

It hurt,it all hurts mainly my heart, torn to bits and pieces neglected
by myself and anyone elses pity.

Pity? Did I want pity? NO. I wanted me again.

I will never understand why it happened why it all happened. Was it
jealousy? If so, why me? I did nothing wrong, if I've never harmed
anyone it was unintentional, so why me?

Everyday was the torture and suffering, every night in my head it was the same.
I would drown in my own tears until they ran dry and sleep took a hold
of me.
My dreams were dreams of anguish and pain, surrounding me night and
day. Why does it still grip me at night?

Will there ever be a time when I can close my eyes and awake with a
smile?

Ripped to pieces, I felt I was in a tiny box, trapped and trying to
break free from the frustration only to be left shattered and
confused.

Where was my self-confidence when I needed it? Where was my bravery?
Will I be re-united with both of these?

I felt low, the lowest of low, embarrassed, humiliated and of no worth.
I took all the punishment and did nothing, didn`t know where to go for
help. This all went to the centre of my soul leaving me no exit so it
stayed with me, gripping and twisting at my heart.

I felt that I couldn't tell anyone, what would they say? I didn't want
anybody to know I felt so ashamed. Why?

Who knows why but I did.

If I spoke out would others laugh at me? Or would they help? This was
not a chance I was willing to take, I'd had enough.

I tried not to let it show, I did not want to give satisfaction to
those that knew could upset me, however it was so hard.
The lump in my throat grew until I was suffocated with grief. I could
hardly breath.

I wanted my self-esteem back!

Where was the fun and lively little girl that I used to be, who was
this intruder?

A quiet withdrawn little girl- not an intruder it was me. I`d lived my
life in my room, where I knowing that I was safe the only place to
surround me with what I wanted to see, no-one here but me.

Is this how I wanted my life, to be as miserable as the past 12 years?
No, something needed to be done, but what?

I was a coward and endured the 12 years of agony by myself, all by
myself.

The 12 years came to an end when I left school and was free of torment.
I could be me and learn to smile again. Would learn to live with the
quiet, withdrawn child and give my heart a release from hurt.

No more suffering from their glances and abuse. No more tears that had
been shed all those nights, welcome back confidence and
self-esteem.

They can't hurt me or abuse anymore because I`ve left school and the
bullies behind me.

Welcome back the happy little girl we all thought we'd lost.