Alice in Never Never Land

ALICE IN NEVER NEVER LAND

Alice Jones didn't exactly hate her mother, but she sincerely wished
she had never heard of Lewis Caroll. It was her mother she blamed every
time she looked in a mirror. She'd tried hard to break away from the
Alice in Wonderland imitation that she had been brought up to be. In
the past few years, she'd had her hair cropped short, permed into a
style with curls that stood out round her head like a halo, scraped
back into a french pleat, coloured red, blue, green, purple. She'd
tried everything. With wide blue eyes and pale skin and an air of
innocence, she just was Alice.

While there was no white rabbit in her life, there was Uncle Jasper.
With a shock of white hair and a bristly moustache that looked as if he
had been out in a severe frost, he did very well. The fact that he
owned a small clock and watch business was surely no coincidence. Alice
worked for him, providing his rather pokey shop with a image which he
found brought in customers who may have been a tad overpowered by just
his presence; a large, white-hairy thing amongst all the glitter of the
delicate clocks. Alice was quite willing to become the public face of
the businss. She dressed in style, and expensively, if demurely. Her
manner was modest and no one would guess that if she were asked about
her leisure interests, she would give her main hobby as 'clubbing'. .
.

Alice enjoyed her job because it brought her into contact with rich
people, those who were not just in for a battery for their ten quid
alarm clocks, but looking for jewelled watches for wives and
girlfriends or expensive tiny carriage clocks.

They didn't get as much demand for retirement clocks as they had when
she had started working for her uncle. Alice regretted this. There was
one firm nearby which kept up the old tradition. It was usually the
snappily dressed young male PA to the female managing director, Mrs
Rose McQueen, who was sent to choose the gift for retirements and
leaving parties. Alice very much enjoyed the selection process. She
gave the young man the full benefit of those wide blue eyes and she
flattered herself that she could get him to buy anything she wanted.
She called him 'Dodo' privately, because he always signed for goods
'DD' and it just seemed appropriate somehow.

Uncle Jasper was getting old. He donned his white shop coat when he
came in and sat in the back at his workbench. Alice was in full control
of the shop and she enjoyed the feeling of doing something worthwhile.
Only occasionally did she feel out of her depth. There was one time
when a skinny young man came in. She was startled. He didn't look the
type to buy anything from them. He was dressed in dirty jeans and a
ragged tee shirt. His hair was in dirty dreadlocks under an old
baseball cap and Alice took a step back. He looked insane. When he
pulled a knife she had the full picture. Her screams brought Uncle
Jasper from the back shop and frightened the youth so much that he ran
out of the door. Alice had some scream. It took Uncle Jasper ten
minutes to stop her.

Jasper took to deep and soulful sighing. Whenever he caught sight of
Alice he would sigh. However, he thought he could forgive Alice
anything. She was such an asset to the shop. She was beautiful, polite,
well-dressed, very, very well-dressed. He had asked her how she managed
this. It was only a small shop and he couldn't afford to pay her much.
'Budgeting,' she told him, politely, with a beautiful smile. He was
disarmed.

Alice was stocktaking. She was scrupulous with her figures. After all
she had to make up the deficit which somehow happened when the cost of
an item went into her pocket instead of the till. She had been very,
very, careful with her shopping, but now her credit card bill was in
the thousands and she had to make a substantial payment. I wasn't her
fault of course. The sweet innocent look was expensive. Alice found the
' one for stock, one for me' accountancy method her best bet.

She was struggling with her figures when Dodo appeared outside,
accompanied by a formidable lady in a forceful red trouser suit. She
was shepherding Dodo in front of her and he was obviously pleading with
her. Alice could hear her part of the conversation clearly. ' Idiot'
she said and almost pushed Dodo into the shop. 'It won't make any
difference if I do actually see the marvellous shop assistant you're so
taken with.'

Dodo was doing his best. He put forward all the arguments he could
think of to continue with their present policy of paying off retirees
with a nice timepiece. He looked beseechingly at Alice, who immediately
treated the woman to a wide-eyed smile that was dazzling and caused
Dodo to melt. Mrs McQueen, for it was she, was almost convinced, but
hard-headed businesswoman that she was, thought better of it, glared
suspiciously at Alice and muttered 'Another idiot' almost under her
breath. Alice blushed. Surely Mrs McQueen couldn't know what she was
doing. . .

Uncle Jasper came in at that moment, sensing trouble. He ignored Alice
and rushed to the other side of the counter where he clasped Mrs
McQueen's hand and almost bowed over it.

'So pleased to finally meet you. What an honour coming into my little
shop.'

It took Mrs McQueen two minutes to tell him that in future, leaving
presents would be in the form of a cheque and there would be no more
need for her PA to waste time in shopping. She spat the word out as if
it was distasteful, whirled round and swept out, pushing Dodo in front
of her as before. Alice was surprised to see a look almost of worship
on Uncle Jasper's face. This quickly changed when he took time to look
at the stock sheets she was clutching.

'Oh Alice,' was all he said. Alice couldn't move. She heard him on the
phone and she was still frozen to the spot when the police arrived.
Then she felt as if she was falling, falling, falling down a bottomless
hole. . .