Late Again

'Late? Late? What do you mean you're late? You don't even have the
time keeping gene in your body. Bet you'd never been on time for
anything in your entire life until you met me.'

Alan was red and furious. 'Apoplectic Alan' Lisa thought to herself as
she looked at him. He was a good-looking sod, normally, but his
disapproving expression did him no favours and she thought he looked a
bit like her granny. She stopped listening to him, although maintaining
an aware expression.

With an ability that had crept up on her but no longer surprised her,
she slid into reflective mode and with no difficulty she was back in
her childhood, being nagged, as usual, to hurry up. 'Why?' was her
usual response. She could remember the fury of being rushed along when
all she wanted to do was look at the wonderful things around her: dirt,
and old papers and stones and flowers. She remembered the silky
coolness of petals and the delight of watching a bee headfirst in a
nasturtium flower, only the furry bum showing. There was just too much
to see, back then.

School had been excruciating, with timetables and bells and detention
for the inevitable lateness. It had taught her two things: how to be
almost on time for everything and how to invent excuses. She was good
at those. It got to the stage that when she burst into the classroom,
late of course, everyone stopped what they were doing and listened.
Every time she put on a performance, and went through the alien
abduction, or escaped wild animal, or bank being robbed as she passed,
before she gave a more reasonable, although entirely fictitious
explanation as her throwaway line. 'I forgot my dinner money and had to
go back for it' had been a favourite.

The school regarded it eventually as some kind of disability. They even
categorised it and throughout her educational career it was written in
her reports, 'Chronologically challenged'. She was glad to get out of
school.

University was an eye opener. Most lecturers expected students to be
late and some got rather irked if the students arrived before they did.
Lisa was delighted. By then she could cope with being almost on time
which was fine for the relaxed life of a student which she allowed
herself.

She prided herself on functioning rather well when she started working.
She'd decided on Human Resources as her target career and started off
with a smallish firm where she coped with all the whinging and
rebellion and pettiness. It was rather like being back at school.

She had sorted out her tardiness problem. She thought herself forward
in time so that if, in her head, she was late as usual, in actual fact
she was in time. She explained her method to those she came across who
were similarly afflicted (and even she was astonished at the numbers
involved). Punctuality became the norm for staff in her firm.

She kept her method for work related timekeeping, however, preferring a
more relaxed attitude to personal appointments. This did not endear her
to her succession of boyfriends. It was only when Alan hove into view
that she even considered extending her punctuality to leisure hours.
However, she decided against it in the interest of self-determination.
'If he can't accept me as I am . . . '

So Alan struggled on, and learned to cope also. He hated lateness, as
he was a very organised person. It didn't take him long to realise that
if he wanted Lisa to meet him at 7.30, he asked her to meet him at 7,
and so it went on.

This method worked rather well for many months. Their friends came to
regard them as an ideal couple. Eventually it soured. Lisa had called
his bluff and realised that she always had an extra half-hour to play
with, so she started being one hour late.

After the inevitable break up they both began new relationships. Lisa
with Hector, who was frankly a slob who had no use for timekeeping in
any state or form as he was unemployed and spent his time composing
what he saw as deathless prose. Lisa was not too impressed and it
wasn't long before she realised she missed order in her life. Not that
she wanted to be orderly, but she wanted her partner to be so inclined.
She didn't relish chaos round her all the time. Alan was not popular
with his new girlfriends when he routinely turned up an hour late. Some
retaliated by always being late themselves. . .

They were both unhappy people. They met in the park one day. Alan was
on the rebound from yet another unsuccessful relationship. Lisa had
just thrown out Hector, deciding he was just plain lazy, not, as he
said, waiting for inspiration.

They were both rushing along, taking a short cut, and literally tripped
over each other near the rose garden. Alan persuaded Lisa to stop for a
moment and 'smell the roses' as he put it. She was glad to do so and
stroked a few petals for good measure. It felt good to be back on
familiar territory.

After they moved in together again, everything went swimmingly.
Sometimes, Lisa was forced to admit, Alan did nag her a little bit, but
she could forgive him for that, especially when he was right as he
always was. They reached a compromise with time. Alan was responsible
for setting the clocks, which he did, just five minutes fast. Lisa used
her 'thinking in the future' trick at home as well as work. It had been
great.

Now, it had all tumbled around her ears again. Lisa had been a bit
unaware of time just recently she had to admit. Alan had blown up when
all she had said was
'I'm late . . . '

She'd had no chance to say more. He'd stormed out. When he came back
rather sheepishly, he mumbled, 'Please don't be like that. Couldn't
bear all that late thing again.'

She finished her sentence, '..so I think I'm pregnant . . . .'